How to Fix Intimacy Issues in a Relationship

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How Many Couples Experience Intimacy Issues?

I was recently speaking with a client about how to fix intimacy issues in a relationship and he asked how common it is for couples to be affected by sex problems. The reality is that 80% of people are affected by intimacy issues either directly or with a partner.

From health, to medical to self-help and relationship podcasts, I’m often told by the host that when their podcast topic is about sex, it’s one of the most downloaded shows of all time.

how to fix intimacy problems

While sex education provides essential knowledge on sexual health and safe sex, it’s sadly lacking in the essential knowledge of the mental mechanics required to complete a sexual act. This results in much confusion and guesswork involved and is why so many people experience sexual failure and the related relationship breakdown.

The statistics are staggering:

  • WebMD reports 43% of women and 31% of men experiencing some degree of difficulty with sexual function.
  • In this study the combined prevalence of minimal, moderate and complete erectile dysfunction in men aged between 40 and 70 years was 52%.
  • But it's not just older men, a report published by the Cleveland Clinic states that 40% of men under the age of 40 are affected by erectile dysfunction.
  • Additional studies have shown that most cases of impotence (erectile dysfunction) are due to psychological factors.
  • A recent study conducted with 7,000 women in Australia aged 18-39 years old indicated that 52% of women are unhappy or stressed about their sex life.

What's really interesting is that 90% of men and women experiencing sexual dysfunction don't seek medical help... and for those who do seek treatment, another study has shown that 91.5% report little or no improvement as a result.

In this article I’ll reveal insights on the negative effects of intimacy issues in a relationship, what you may be doing to cause sexual failure and lack of intimacy - and how to get started on restoring a happy and satisfying sex life today.

The Negative Effects of Intimacy Issues in a Relationship

negative effects of intimacy issues

Feeling disconnected from our partner makes us feel like we are alone in our relationship and unresolved intimacy issues can eventually lead to our relationship breaking down. A loss of sexual confidence can lead to lack of desire and attraction in either or both partners, poor communication, performance anxiety and many unwanted emotional reactions.

While many couples avoid discussing these issues, there is usually a complete lack of understanding as to what causes these problems which results in further anxiety, frustration and tension.

Many men end up with both issues of weak erections and ejaculation problems as they try to deal with the issue by themselves and battle for control over their arousal levels. This causes a great deal of frustration for the partner who cannot complete the act. 

A staggering 43% of women suffer from the inability to reach orgasm, even more so during intercourse. Are a woman’s problems related to her partner? Yes they can be. However, any ongoing intimacy issues can lower your libido and affect your overall desire for sex. 

Many women experience inner vaginal dryness which makes sexual penetration painful and uncomfortable. However, instead of taking steps to resolve the issue, this becomes yet another reason to avoid sex. 

Sex can be frustratingly hard work for a man when his partner is unable to climax. It's a fine balance for a man to stay hard and in control for the duration it takes to fulfil his partner. Performance anxiety can result in a lack of enthusiasm and put a damper on both partner’s desire for sex. Eventually the lack of desire can lead to a sexless marriage.

A sexless marriage is not an ideal relationship for the partner who struggles to feel fulfilled and can lead to either partner seeking emotional or sexual fulfillment outside of their relationship.

Fixing Intimacy Issues Requires the Correct Knowledge

There is so much confusion surrounding the sexual act. This is mainly due to misinformation and a lack of relevant “how to” knowledge. Without a start-to-end procedure for sex, there is much guesswork involved. 

What’s important to note here, is that using the wrong technique at the wrong time will lead to sexual failure. 

Therapists are very good at validating your feelings, providing helpful insights and offering counseling, medications or techniques to treat the symptoms which can all offer some degree of support. Unfortunately, they seldom address the “root cause” of sex problems and emotional connection issues which is caused by using the wrong technique at the wrong time. 

This is what I correct.

how to fix intimacy issues

Will Controlling My Sensitivity Fix the Intimacy Issues in My Relationship?

This is an interesting question so let me clarify what happens sexually with regards to sensitivity. Every male I have treated for premature ejaculation (PE) thinks his penis is too sensitive. This is happening because most of his attention is focused on it. This type of sexual focus constantly feeds his brain a stream of arousing signals which quickly over stimulates his brain sexually and causes him to ejaculate. 

If you're a male suffering from a premature ejaculation problem, you require less focus on yourself and more focus on your partner… but your attention needs to be applied in a very specific way, otherwise you will start losing your erection hardness. 

Conversely, every man with ED (erectile dysfunction) thinks his penis is not sensitive enough. With most of his attention focused on his partner, his brain doesn’t receive enough arousing signals. Therefore, he has problems achieving a hard erection, loses his erection or has difficulty reaching ejaculation. 

If you're a male suffering from erectile dysfunction, you require less focus on your partner and more focus on yourself… but too much focus on yourself can cause you to ejaculate early! This is why it’s vital for a man suffering from either of these problems to learn how to correctly balance his sexual focus as this will remove all confusion.

Most women who have problems reaching orgasm have a mind which is contaminated with thoughts not related to completing the sexual act. Such as contemplating her to-do list or if she will ever reach orgasm. This mental distraction can be aggravated by her partner’s own sexual function issue or unsatisfying sexual technique. 

Regardless of your partner’s technique, to restore your ability to reach orgasm in a satisfying time frame, you must understand the sexual arousal scale and how to balance your sexual focus. By enhancing your sexual technique and restoring your sexual confidence you can naturally increase both partner's desire for sex and fix the intimacy issues in your relationship.


Sexual “malfunctions” are often misunderstood by both partners 

Your partner can quickly become part of the intimacy issue in your relationship because they don’t understand what the problem is. You may find yourself relating to these common examples:

For men who ejaculate prematurely, it is the belief of many a partner that their man is selfish and is only thinking of his own needs. This is usually the farthest from reality! There is nothing a man with PE wants more than to be able to please his partner, but he just cannot last long enough to do this. 

When a man has problems getting hard, or loses his erection hardness, many a partner starts believing that he’s no longer attracted to them or doesn’t love them - or is having an affair! This is rarely the case. Most men with ED are totally committed to fulfilling their partner but are confused about how to maintain a strong erection in the process. 

For a woman who has problems achieving orgasm, it’s common for her libido to drop away over the years as she loses her desire to engage sexually. This is often due to her perceived failure of her inability to be “normal” and to be able to feel fulfilled sexually. I personally suffered from these issues for many years and I understand how devastating it is to feel like you are incomplete.

No-one wants to feel like they are failing, and unresolved intimacy issues continually eat away at a person’s self-esteem and overall desire for sex. It's vitally important to resolve these issues in a timely manner, before perceived inadequacies systematically break down your ability to relate and prevent you from enjoying your relationship long-term. 

achieving goal long lasting intimacy

Balance Your Sexual Focus to Help Fix Intimacy Issues

While it's important to live a healthy lifestyle, without the correct sex education knowledge you can still flounder and experience ongoing problems.

Whether you are male or female, to regain control sexually you need to understand how to correctly balance your sexual focus. This ensures your brain receives the correct ratio of sexual signals to move you along the arousal scale in a controlled and satisfying manner. 

The correct knowledge and technique helps to neutralise sexual anxiety while simultaneously restoring confidence in your ability to fulfill and be fulfilled.

This enables you to fix intimacy issues in your relationship, prevent future sexual dysfunction and restore emotional balance as well as a happy and healthy sex life.  A sex life where both of you are fulfilled. A sex life which provides both mutual emotional as well as sexual fulfilment. 

how to solve intimacy issues in your relationship

In my programs I explain how to get the balance right to fix intimacy issues in a relationship. This means that as a male you’re able to get a hard erection and then maintain it during foreplay, penetration, and intercourse - and without ejaculating until you both decide it’s the right time.

As a female, this knowledge with application of my specific technique enables you to get turned on, stay turned on and more easily reach orgasm. It also enables you to self-lubricate your inner vaginal walls to ensure easy penetration and enjoyable sex regardless of your age.

Imagine being able to get hard on demand, penetrate without any problems, and only ejaculate when your partner wants you to? Or to easily feel turned on and orgasm without any problems? When you have the correct sexual procedures that your brain requires for foreplay, penetration, and intercourse, sex becomes enjoyable and fun.

If a happy and satisfying sex life are important to you then act now, so you too, can stride forward and succeed with the correct knowledge and techniques. 

Read More:
10 Best Foreplay Techniques to Ignite Your Partner’s Interest
The 3 Best Sexual Positions for Couples Over 40, 50 and 60
How to Make Your Hand and Blow Jobs Unforgettable!
Jacqui's Sex Mastery Programs for Men and Women

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Jacqui Olliver
Psychosexual Relationship Specialist at End the Problem, Jacqui Olliver has helped thousands of men, women and couples restore emotional and sexual satisfaction in their relationships to create a happier life. Click here to check out her programs or to book a complimentary strategy session for real answers to solve the real problems.

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