If You Want to Solve a Problem, Make Sure You Understand It

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Life, sex and relationships. Full of surprises and full of problems we need to overcome. But in order to solve a problem, first we must understand what the problem is. When another person is involved, this includes understanding their unique perspective.

couple with problems seeking therapy

For example, a male with a sex problem such as ejaculating early or having problems getting or maintaining an erection, feels totally humiliated during sex. Due to his ongoing feeling of failure he withdraws from initiating sex and frequently withdraws emotionally from the relationship as he struggles to mentally come to terms with how to deal with his problem.

On the other hand, his partner may be struggling to understand what (she’s) done wrong. She may misconstrue the reason behind a lack of an erection, believing that her partner is no longer interested in her or attracted to her. She may fear the relationship is failing – and that it might be her fault.

The other side of this scenario for a woman, is believing that she understands his problem. But in her misguided effort to support him and save him from embarrassment, she starts refraining from initiating sex.

All this achieves is to pile on the performance anxiety. Now he feels like he has to be the one who initiates sex – but he hesitates to do so because she doesn’t seem to want it and he’s also afraid of his ability to perform. His anxiety becomes compounded by the growing belief that maybe his partner has lost interest in him and in their relationship.

Many Relationships Fail Due to Misunderstandings and Unresolved Issues

There are usually many factors which contribute to an issue and too many times we blunder along, assuming a partner’s perspective is the same as our own. Then we get upset, frustrated or annoyed when they reject our offer of support. The thing is, if our support isn’t relative to their perspective then it’s not being helpful at all. While we may be feeling flat, rejected and unappreciated, our partner is frustrated that we still don’t understand their need.

Most men struggle to provide emotional fulfillment to their partner when they are feeling sexually unfulfilled, while most women require an emotional connection to retain a healthy libido as well as interest in having sex with their partner. And so the cycle of frustration and disconnection continues.

Considering there are many aspects which factor into sex, life and relationship problems, it can be of great benefit to either or both partners to seek professional help to solve and end the problems.

Jacqui Olliver
Jacqui Olliver is a Psychosexual Relationship Specialist and published author who renews relationships by solving people's emotional and sexual issues. In the past 7 years, she has helped over 1,000 men, women, and couples restore a relaxed, happy, and fulfilling sex life and enhance their overall connection. Click here to check out her programs or book a complimentary strategy session and start getting real answers to solve the real problems.

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