In layman's terms, what is premature ejaculation?
From losing your self-confidence to your partner's desire to connect sexually, premature ejaculation often leads to a sexless marriage and the demise of many relationships. The definition of premature ejaculation (PE) is ejaculating before you or your partner are ready during intercourse. However, men also ejaculate early before foreplay, while giving foreplay, receiving foreplay, during penetration, during intercourse and when changing sexual position.
This is why the timing of ejaculation can be vastly different between men. PE also happens for many men during masturbation. While ejaculating within 3 minutes of intercourse is generally considered to be premature ejaculation, put simply, premature ejaculation is not lasting long enough to feel fulfilled sexually.
Which leads to the next question I am frequently asked:
How long should I last before I ejaculate?
This can vary between partners. What's most important in an intimate relationship is a fulfilling emotional connection where both partners are able to enjoy their sexual time together with the end result of feeling engaged and fulfilled sexually.
While lasting for five minutes is considered to be "average" for men during intercourse that is not at all optimal. Most men want to know how to naturally last longer because most women take 15-20 minutes to reach an orgasm! One of the reasons many women are unable to orgasm during intercourse is because their man doesn't last long enough.
The other main reason a woman can't reach orgasm is because she doesn't know how to correctly focus her actions and attention to reach an orgasm.
Being able to delay ejaculation until you and your partner are ready is both ideal and completely attainable when you apply the correct knowledge and technique. This also enables you to enjoy masturbating because you will last as long as you want to.
What premature ejaculation means
Premature ejaculation means that you have little or no control over your sexual experience. It's not your fault, it simply means that you are missing some important knowledge. You are NOT broken!
Your penis ejaculating before you are ready simply indicates that:
- You have not been taught a sex education relevant to completing a sexual act, therefore you are focusing your attention incorrectly during sexual activity. Solve that problem and you can permanently cure your PE
It is estimated that up to 80% of men suffer from sexual dysfunction problems. Premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction are often caused by a miscommunication occurring between your brain and your body. So in the case of premature ejaculation instead of the dog wagging it's tail... it's like the tail is wagging the dog.
Too much attention on your own experience will cause you to ejaculate early.
Main causes of early ejaculation
The timing of when you ejaculate depends on how you are focusing your attention before and during foreplay, leading up to penetration, during intercourse and during changes of sexual position.
You need to correct the following imbalances in focus:
Ejaculating before foreplay - when you ejaculate before foreplay, you have been overly focused on yourself. Thinking about your penis, arousing images, how aroused you are feeling, overindulging in images of sexual fantasies and the sensations in your penis.
Ejaculating during foreplay - when you ejaculate during foreplay, you are overly focusing on how aroused you are feeling, how arousing your partner is, trying not to think about ejaculating and worrying about ejaculating.
Ejaculating when putting a condom on or applying lubrication - when you ejaculate when putting a condom on or when applying lubrication, you are overly focusing on how aroused you are feeling, how overstimulated you are and trying not to think about ejaculating.
Ejaculating at the start of penetration - when you ejaculate at the start of penetration, you have focused too much on yourself during foreplay, or how arousing your partner is - and trying not to think about ejaculating as you penetrate! A dry entry increases friction and increases the likelihood of over stimulating your brain sexually.
Ejaculating while changing position - when you ejaculate while changing position, you are focusing too much on how arousing your partner is, how aroused you are feeling, worrying about ejaculating, and trying not to think about ejaculating.
Ejaculating during intercourse - when you ejaculate during intercourse, you are switching back too frequently to thoughts about your penis - either worrying about ejaculating, trying not to think about ejaculating, or trying not to focus on the sensations in your penis and how arousing your partner and/or intercourse are for you.
Ejaculating early during foreplay, putting a condom on, at the start of penetration and during intercourse indicates that you are overly focused on your own experience during sex, worrying about ejaculating and trying not to think about ejaculating.
Feeling over stimulated during foreplay, then losing your erection at the start of penetration - when you feel over stimulated during foreplay and then lose your erection at the start of penetration it indicates you are focusing too much on how aroused you are feeling during foreplay, then trying not to feel over aroused during foreplay and worrying about losing your erection before you penetrate.
Feeling over stimulated during foreplay, putting a condom on and at the start of penetration and then losing erection hardness during intercourse - this results from focusing too much on how aroused you are feeling during foreplay, worrying about ejaculating (and trying not to think about ejaculating at the start of penetration), then trying not to feel overstimulated during intercourse and worrying about losing your erection during intercourse.
In summary, early ejaculation is caused by being overly focused on yourself, thinking about how aroused you are feeling, how arousing your partner is, worrying about ejaculating early and trying not to think about ejaculating early.
By correctly balancing your sexual focus, your brain will activate the relevant sexual programs and keep them engaged in the correct order:
- Hard AND in Control
How to stop premature ejaculation naturally and permanently
To stop premature ejaculation naturally and permanently you need to be in charge of giving your brain signals that are completely relevant to the sexual act you are engaging in. This includes foreplay, penetration, intercourse with a partner, as well as masturbation.
The problem here is that most men haven't received a sex education relevant to completing a sexual act. Therefore, when a man finds himself starting to feel like he's losing control he doesn't know what to switch his focus from, and to. This can lead to an erectile dysfunction (weak erection) issue as he wildly catapults himself from one end of the sexual arousal scale to the other with no fun in between.
As you know, this kind of sex is not fulfilling for either partner.
Sex can become an embarrassing and labour intensive process as a man desperately tries to ignore the feelings in his penis so he can focus on completing the job.
As a man, to stop premature ejaculation naturally and permanently you need to understand the sexual arousal scale and how to balance your sexual focus throughout all sexual activity. Giving your brain the correct balance of sexually arousing "signals" will activate the correct hormones and muscle programs to give you complete control over your penis.
In my experience this will naturally and permanently stop premature ejaculation without medication.
How to prevent premature ejaculation without medication
It's important to understand that wrong sexual focus causes premature ejaculation and many other forms of sexual dysfunction including erectile dysfunction and being unable to reach orgasm. Therefore, to prevent premature ejaculation without medication he needs to upgrade his knowledge and skill base so he can correctly balance his sexual focus between himself, his partner and the actions of sex.
Lasting long enough can be challenging, especially if his partner has difficulty reaching an orgasm.
The 80% of women who have problems reaching an orgasm during intercourse will usually rely on an extended amount of foreplay time to feel sexually fulfilled.
During foreplay her male partner needs to stay hard and in control for the required duration. It may be 10, 20, 30 or more minutes before a woman is ready for penetrative intercourse, however when she is ready she expects her partner to be ready too! This can lead to a great deal of performance anxiety for a man who is already concerned about his ability to last long enough and intensifies the presssure he is feeling.
How many times do you find yourself panicking when your partner starts making happy noises?
Not only can this make you feel excessively turned on, it indicates that the request for penetration will soon be forthcoming!
Correctly balancing your sexual focus during foreplay makes penetration easy and when penetration is easy, you naturally experience less performance anxiety which then enables you to last longer during intercourse. Many clients have told me it is extremely satisfying to prevent premature ejaculation without medication.
The best cure for premature ejaculation
The best cure for premature ejaculation is to focus on your partner in the correct way. This enables you to maintain and enjoy a fulfilling emotional connection while you naturally stay in control of when you ejaculate.
There is a fine balance here however, because too much focus on your partner can cause you to lose erection hardness! In addition to this, if your mind wanders during sex you can lose your erection or lose control, depending on how you try to compensate when you realize you have lost focus.
Accidental ejaculation happens when your brain receives the incorrect ratio of sexually arousing signals or it is receiving signals in the wrong order (or the signals are unrelated to the sexual act you are performing).
Just like when you are learning to drive a car, to cure premature ejaculation you need to know how to smoothly move through the gears in the right order with the right timing. This enables an enjoyable and satisfying experience for you and your partner.
If you focus on the wrong thing at the wrong time, you WILL lose control of your vehicle!
How to fix premature ejaculation (in summary)
Ideally a man can last for 20-30 minutes during foreplay as well as intercourse to ensure he is able to totally fulfill himself and his partner in every respect. To achieve this and fix premature ejaculation requires upgrading his knowledge and skill base with the correct knowledge and technique.
Recommended by medical professionals and with a 6-month guarantee, my Sex Mastery Hard AND in Control program for men ensures your success sexually. As well as knowing how to stay in control of when you ejaculate during masturbation, foreplay, penetration and intercourse, you will learn how to correctly balance your sexual focus so losing erection hardness or being unable to ejaculate are not a problem for you either.
(You would be surprised how many of my clients went from ejaculating within seconds of penetration to not being able to ejaculate for more than an hour, after going through my program!)
One payment gives you lifetime access so you can fix premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction, with informative resources provided to keep as back-up. I also have a Sex Mastery program for women who struggle with reaching orgasm.
I couldn’t believe it! After a lifetime of ejaculating within a minute (and for the past 5 years losing my erection hardness within one minute as well) I was able to stay HARD AND IN CONTROL for over 10 minutes – just 4 days after my session with Jacqui – and the next time I had sex! It’s blown my mind! Every male should have this education!
Dr Sam (surname withheld)
Medical Specialist - Solved PE and ED
Now that you know why you are experiencing PE and ED (due to wrong sexual focus) it's time to take action to end the problem! A satisfying sex life is easily achieved, all it takes is a few simple tweaks to your approach during foreplay, penetration and intercourse.
Check out my Sex Mastery Hard AND in Control program for men, or book in for a complimentary 20-minute strategy session if you prefer to work 1/1 with me to restore satisfaction in this important area of your life.