Why Are We Always Arguing?
By Jacqui Olliver
Why are we always arguing - and why do couples argue so much?? A study conducted in the UK has revealed that most couples argue 312 times per year.
We argue for many reasons, often without understanding the underlying cause. Minor irritations tend to be over frivolous matters such as leaving the toilet seat up and other unwanted household habits. Bigger annoyances can result in no sex and a total lack of libido.
Many arguments are caused by long-standing serious issues such as ongoing sexual dysfunction in either or both partners. Other arguments occur because of incompatibilities in the health, lifestyle and financial sectors of a relationship. These are frequently caused by conflicts of values.
Get in alignment with what you both want.
10 Tips on Why Couples Are Always Arguing
Couples may frequently argue for various reasons, often rooted in communication and relationship dynamics.
1. Poor communication
Inadequate communication can lead to misunderstandings, misinterpretations, and conflicts. Couples need effective communication to express their feelings, thoughts, and needs.
2. Unresolved issues
Lingering, unresolved problems or past conflicts that haven't been properly addressed can resurface, causing ongoing arguments.
3. Differences in values and goals
Fundamental differences in values, life goals, or priorities can lead to persistent disagreements about the direction of the relationship.
4. Stress from external issues
Stress from work, financial issues, family, or external pressures can spill into the relationship, causing tension and arguments.
5. Lack of intimacy
A decline in emotional or physical intimacy can lead to feelings of neglect or frustration, which can trigger disagreements.
6. Power struggles
Some couples engage in power struggles where both partners try to assert dominance or control, leading to ongoing conflicts.
7. Trust issues
Trust is essential in any relationship. If trust is broken or compromised, it can result in arguments over insecurity, jealousy, or past transgressions.
8. Negative communication patterns
Habitual patterns of criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, or contempt can create a toxic cycle of arguments.
9. Lack of compromise
Inflexibility and an unwillingness to compromise can result in disagreements over daily decisions, future plans, or lifestyle choices.
10. External interference
Involvement of external parties, such as interfering family members or friends, can contribute to ongoing arguments within the relationship.
Couples may frequently argue for various reasons, often rooted in communication and relationship dynamics.
Are you arguing your point, but not feeling heard?
Without first removing the element of resistance, you will constantly feel like you’re going around in circles. This is why so many couples go to numerous marriage and relationship counselors and fail to resolve their main issue. They’re looking for an answer to the problem without realizing a big chunk of the problem is actually occurring within themselves!
Why am I always arguing with myself?
When you’re fighting yourself and the emotional stress responses triggered within you, it’s a natural progression to feeling out of sorts. This sense of disconnection can naturally result in irritability, controlling behaviors, bullying or fault-finding criticism toward others.
This is because when we feel that burr of annoyance kick in, we have a tendency to dig in and argue our point. This is often to defend our perspective or in our fight to feel heard. This often results in a person believing they need the other person to change so they can feel better.
Whether an issue is big or small, arguing your point never works. Arguing has a repelling effect on all involved. It creates even further resistance so instead of feeling heard; you both experience that uncomfortable wall of resistance which keeps everyone feeling separate.
How to Stop Arguments and Restore Peaceful Connection
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Jacqui Olliver
As the founder of the Psychosexual Alignment methodology and published author, Jacqui has helped thousands of men and women easily resolve sex problems and restore emotional connection. Get your ultimate sex education and elevate intimacy to an exciting new level of engagement with Jacqui's Sex Mastery Programs for Men and Women.