The Emotional Reset Technique – Reset Your Emotions

How to Reset Your Emotions

Have you ever wondered what makes you feel separate and misunderstood? You try so hard to reset your emotions and communicate your needs, but still don’t feel heard. Trying to stay calm when your heart’s madly racing, you keep your words carefully modulated, but people still react to them! And then you find yourself reacting to their reaction - and nothing is ever resolved! Power up your life and relationships with ERT, the Emotional Reset Technique.

What makes us feel emotionally disconnected, isolated and unable to connect with others? 

couple need to reset emotions

The answer is in our brain's stress response and the way we have been programmed throughout life. Simply put, we are constantly triggering ourselves into emotional reactions which make us feel disconnected from ourselves and those around us.

When we have problems or challenges we don't know how to solve, our brain remains on high alert. Therefore, we become easily retriggered by our thoughts and other people's words and actions, simply because we are hypersensitive on that topic!

Between annoyances, unwanted scenarios and imagined unwanted scenarios, we can trigger emotional reactions and stress responses 40+ times per day. Unresolved emotional reactions create invisible walls of resistance and the perception of separation and isolation. 

Conversely, each emotional stress response which is consciously resolved in the moment with the Emotional Reset Technique enables us to feel calm and empowered as we realign with our core potential. From this balanced emotional state, it is natural to feel more relaxed and connected with others.

"This technique makes me feel like I have super powers! I’ve been consistently applying the technique when I’ve felt triggered over the past few weeks and it’s incredible how different I feel – and the kids are now responding and listening to me! My partner keeps looking at me like she’s trying to figure out what’s different. I feel so much more relaxed and at ease."


Relationship challenges solved with ERT

The Difference Between Emotions and Feelings

It’s important to note the difference between emotions and feelings. Nothing is either good or bad but thinking makes it so! Emotion is energy, physically experienced as a force flowing through you. Whereas feelings are a mental construct of how you are perceiving that emotional force in any given situation. An emotional response is your body's physical reaction to what you are perceiving mentally. 

Just like there is a hierarchy for our nervous system, there is a hierarchy of emotions and feelings which trigger how we experience this force! 

The differences between emotions and feelings:

👉 Emotion - is life force, power, energy, the driver of desire, a heightened sense of being.
👉 Feelings - are a mental interpretation of how that force is flowing (or not flowing) through you in the present moment.
👉 Emotional response - your body's physical reaction to your interpretation of that feeling.
👉 Stress response - your brain's protective mechanism which is triggered when a threat is perceived.
👉 Emotional reaction - triggering and retriggering due to further interpretation.
👉 Emotional trigger - the person or situation eliciting a stress response in you.
👉 Emotional state - the result of how you have flowed the emotional force through you.
👉 Empowered emotional state - consciously directing the power of emotional force, toward creating the outcomes you want to experience.
👉 Emotional Reset Technique - the fastest way to an empowered emotional state 🙂

First there is an experience of power, then how you interpret it results in the flow of hormones and neurochemicals that represent your interpretation. You may call this happy, sad, anxious, disappointed, angry, guilty, or something else.

How you interpret emotions and feelings determines whether you experience stress hormones or happy hormones!

And how you interpret a situation can depend on your mental programming...

reset your emotions

Threat Based vs Reward Based Programming

From a young age we are programmed to move away from threats. We’re told, “Don’t touch this, don’t touch that. Don't say that. Keep away from this, keep away from that, you’ll hurt yourself.” While this guidance is important to keep us safe, it does not instill confidence in our ability to cope with challenging situations.

This type of threat-based programming constantly triggers stress hormones, and programs us to avoid and move away from anything that could potentially hurt us. So as adults, instead of communicating our way through challenging situations, we tend to shut down and self-isolate.

Two of the major human needs are connection and self-expression. We have an innate desire to express ourselves and connect with others. Yet when we are fearful or threat-focused our brain shuts down our ability to connect and express ourselves! The more we move into survival mode, the less connected we feel.

Conversely, reward-based programming leads to being toward-focused and confident. Instead of generating stress hormones it generates happy hormones; instead of feeling disconnected, we can easily enhance our connection with others. We go from surviving to thriving!

How to do you change from being threat-focused to reward-focused? All you need to do is change the program you are running in your brain. The Emotional Reset Technique helps you do that so you can be in charge of your emotions and feelings, resolve challenging situations, and create a happier, more connected, and enjoyable life.

the emotional reset technique relationship

Emotions vs Feelings

Remember that emotion is a force, a powerful force that flows through us in a satisfying manner when we are in alignment at our core. When we are in core alignment, we experience the emotional force and may describe it as feeling inspired, motivated, and creative as we are able to access our brain's full potential.

However, when we are "triggered" by our interpretation of a situation, we switch ourselves out of alignment. In this triggered emotional state and sense of disconnection, we usually interpret and direct the emotional force in a destructive manner because we are unable to accurately express ourselves. We don't feel good, so we look for something (or someone) to blame for how we are feeling!

Any action we take when we're in a triggered emotional state tends to be destructive to ourselves and others. This happens because rather than being focused on the truth of a situation, we are focused on our mental interpretation of how we are feeling, or how someone has triggered negative emotion in us.

We may interpret ourselves as feeling anxious, annoyed or frustrated, and trigger further emotional reactions as we become caught up in our interpretations of emotions and feelings. 

How we continue to interpret the situation we are facing, can result in back-to-back emotional reactions. This results in arguments and further mental conflict as we continue to analyze and react to our current situation and what we think it means. Some people call this depression and others refer to it as having mental health issues.

The Emotional Reset Technique (ERT) enables us to be in charge of our emotions and feelings so we can harness the true power of emotion in our lives, to create our ideal outcomes.

emotional reset technique in relationships

Our Brain's Stress Response and Social Engagement System

While most people have heard of fight / flight, freeze and shutdown, we have a more highly evolved system which helps us to stay engaged with the world around us. The Social Engagement System (SES) is considered to be the evolved aspect of our autonomic nervous system (a theory developed by Dr Stephen Porges over 40 years). 

This is the hierarchy of our nervous system according to Dr Porges:

👉 Social Engagement System (SES)
👉 Fight / flight
👉 Freeze / shutdown

When our social engagement system is actively in use, we find it easy to communicate with others. Using our eyes, facial expressions, voice, hand gestures and body language we are able to convey feelings of openness and safety and feel connected with those around us.  

It is estimated that around 90% of our communication is non-verbal.

The challenge that most of us have, is that we have been brought up on threat-based programming which means we don't know HOW to utilize our social engagement system to stay connected with ourselves and others! We automatically default to fight / flight or freeze / shutdown instead of using our SES to navigate our way out of challenging situations.

When we perceive a person or situation to be a threat, our brain’s stress response can be triggered. Physically, this feels like an intensely uncomfortable power surge as our brain triggers a surge of neurochemicals including adrenaline and cortisol. This is to prepare us to mobilize (fight / flight) or demobilize (freeze/shutdown).

Frequently caused by threat-based programming and over thinking, our brain’s stress response is often triggered when we have a problem we don’t know how to solve, we're unsure how to correctly focus our actions to resolve a problem, or a problem isn’t yet fully resolved.

This is what happens when we are operating from threat-based programming:

before the emotional reset technique

Without fully activating your Social Engagement System you may feel isolated and separate from others and as your brain stays on high alert, you remain easily triggered. 

Instead of being able to actively connect with and engage with others, you continue to scan for potential problems. This keeps you feeling separate and is what often leads to loneliness, depressing thoughts (aka depression), arguments and relationship breakdown.

When you don't know how to immediately resolve emotional and stress responses you can become caught up in an endless cycle of being triggered and retriggered by your thoughts and external events. This can lead to the need for addictions (to try and make you feel better) as well as loneliness and social isolation; especially when you don't feel validated.

The Emotional Reset Technique enables you to regain core alignment so you can feel focused and act from an emotionally empowered state.

"I was shown this technique to deal with a personal issue. It was suggested I also apply it whenever I felt the need to smoke cigarettes. Within two days my cravings were gone completely! And now I don’t feel the need for alcohol either! I can’t believe how relaxed and at ease I feel. It feels good just being me."


Solved sex problems and smoking addiction with ERT

The Emotional Reset Technique (ERT)

The Emotional Reset Technique helps to prevent or neutralize the fight / flight, freeze / shutdown stress response when it’s triggered and can prevent your mind from over analyzing and overreacting to situations. It enables you to reach an empowered emotional state, so you can relate with confidence by using your social engagement system to respond in the most appropriate manner.

Your best communication and choices come from being in an empowered emotional state. Whether you are triggered from an internal (imagined) or external (real) event, the best way to respond is to act from a place of balance so your tone of voice and body language are conveying safety and a sense of ease. This makes others feel safe around you, rather than triggering them too!

Naturally resetting your point of focus into a calm, and aligned perspective, the emotional reset technique enables you to express your thoughts and feelings from an empowered emotional state so you can move toward what you want to experience.

An essential component of the Core Alignment lifestyle, the Emotional Reset Technique can help prevent worry, anxiety, family violence, addictions, depression, sexual dysfunction, violence, bullying, harassment, isolation and suicide. When applied consistently throughout your day, ERT can help lead you into a general state of mental and emotional peace and well being. 

"This technique has so many applications. I thought that my awful relationship with my partner’s daughter was going to destroy our own relationship. We just couldn’t get along. I started applying the Emotional Reset Technique and so far it has worked! It’s made it easy to get along with my step daughter and the best thing is that it’s improved my relationship with my partner too."

Chris G

Solved relationship challenges with ERT

The Emotional Reset Technique and Core Alignment

With the power of the Emotional Reset Technique (ERT), the aim of Core Alignment is to create a life you want to live and fulfill your human potential. ERT enables you to switch over from threat-based programming to reward-based programming; and stop the cycle of violence toward yourself and others by being in charge of your emotional triggers and how you feel on a day-to-day basis. 

This is the key to stop sabotaging your happiness and having the capacity to create and enjoy a happy and fulfilling experience of life:

  • Respond instead of reacting when you’re triggered and be less controlling
  • Have less arguments, conflict and relationship breakdown
  • Easily deal with difficult people and challenging situations
  • Remove stress, anxiety, and the need for addictions
  • Increase your confidence, self-esteem and communicate with power
  • Eliminate feelings of separation, isolation and loneliness
  • Enjoy more fulfilling, meaningful and long-lasting relationships
  • Less anxiety, better sex and more understanding in the bedroom
  • Be in charge of how you feel, regardless of what’s going on in your life
  • Feel and look years younger due to decreased stress on your heart and body organs
Emotional Reset Technique  with Jacqui Olliver

Who Developed the Emotional Reset Technique? 

The idea behind the Emotional Reset Technique was initially conceptualized by Jacqui Olliver. Founder of the Psychosexual Alignment method, published author, and recognized authority on enriching relationships by solving people's emotional and sexual issues, Jacqui is passionate about helping people develop new mindsets and strategies to overcome life challenges.

With her initial idea of resolving emotional triggers, Jacqui Olliver joined forces with Kerry Babbage to develop the Emotional Reset Technique. Founder and CEO of the M8TZ Organisation and with more than 30 years experience in personal growth, crisis and trauma around relationships, Kerry developed the principle of cognitive reprogramming with CoreAlignment. Kerry is passionate about helping people in the community work through suicidal idealization, family violence and mental health, especially men. 

"What’s really exciting, especially for us in having worked in the community for so long is that we’ve seen amazing results and know this is the tip of the iceberg. We all know that we should focus on what we want. The Emotional Reset Technique fully explains how to do this so you can radically improve your relationships with others, as well as your mental and emotional well being."

Backed by neuroscience and supported by neuroscientists in the field of human performance, the Emotional Reset Technique has linked together the Emotional Brain, the Autonomic Nervous System, the Reticular Activating System (RAS) and the function of the Cerebellum to more fully activate the body's inherent Social Engagement System (SES).

Providing an effective way to focus on the reward pathway in your brain instead of defaulting to the threat pathway which constantly triggers and elevates stress hormones, the Emotional Reset Technique is an essential component contained within Kerry's CoreAlignment program and Jacqui's Sex Mastery programs.

The Outcome of Applying the Emotional Reset Technique:

When you apply the Emotional Reset Technique, you are able to neutralize the triggered stress response and can immediately restore a sense of connection and ease with others. 

emotional reset technique application

Before long, your brain can fully automate this new way of dealing with emotionally triggering situations as you take conscious control of enabling the reward pathway in your brain. 

The Emotional Reset Technique enables you to:

  • Utilize emotional triggering into a positive advantage and prevent retriggering
  • Align your thoughts after being triggered into a positively empowered mindset
  • Eliminate mental programs and limiting beliefs that are not useful in helping you move forward
  • Activate the powerful mechanisms of your mind / brain and automate the whole process.

On completion of the emotional reset process, there is a natural pause preempting cognitive activity which allows alignment towards a positive mindset. From this physically, emotionally, and mentally aligned state you can more easily redirect your thoughts into a sense of personal well being and connection with others.

ERT helps you establish a calm physiological state when feeling emotionally triggered. It conveys cues of safety to others by resetting and regulating your facial expressions, gestures and tone of voice as well as improve your ability to hear what is being said and articulate any concerns.

The Emotional Reset Technique can help calm your heart, down-regulate defenses and increase the flow of beneficial hormones and neurochemicals within your body such as dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin and endorphins.

Eliminating Heart Disease, Loneliness & Isolation

The Emotional Reset Technique (ERT) reawakens a natural process in your brain to overcome negative triggers and align you with what you want. Along with reducing loneliness, feelings of separation and social anxiety, ERT can radically decrease arguments and negative thinking; and empower communication especially in relationships.

It's a simple technique that provides you with a powerful pause to discern the most beneficial actions to take when you're feeling unsafe or triggered.

As well as improving your mental and emotional state, the Emotional Reset Technique can also have a positive effect on various physical ailments including heart disease and kidney failure. This is possibly due to vagus nerve activation and balancing of metabolic processes, as well as reducing fears pertaining to the possibility of dying.

Dr Vijay Raghavan, a leading Diabetes and Metabolic Medical Specialist has provided empirical evidence to support the Emotional Reset Technique in his clinical practice in the treatment of chronic kidney failure and heart disease. This doctor is utilizing our breakthrough technique with his patients to achieve astonishing results: (see submission link below for supporting documentation and case studies).

Further, the Emotional Reset Technique:

  • Can help reduce mental stress and emotional duress
  • Can help reduce tax on the organs of the body
  • Can be connected to heart rate variability and therefore, help with healing heart disease
  • Can be a highly evolved way of controlling the human body

The Emotional Reset Technique Submission for New Zealand Ministerial Inquiry into Mental Health & Addictions

We see New Zealand leading the way into a new mental health paradigm which is inclusive and effective for all people across all cultures. It is with great excitement that we share a win/win solution to both mental health and addiction problems, and promote wellbeing within the New Zealand community and globally.

Within this submission we provided specific answers to the three main concerns:

  • How to prevent mental health and addiction problems
  • How to intervene early and respond better to people in need 
  • How to promote well being among all people

See our full submission to the New Zealand Ministerial Inquiry into Mental Health & Addictions (including case study medical documentation from Dr Vijay Raghavan) here:

Further video empirical evidence of the Emotional Reset Technique is available here:

Want to learn more about CoreAlignment, Sex Mastery and ERT? All coaching programs include an initial 20-min strategy session.

Connect with Confidence - Master Your Emotions with Jacqui | CoreAlignment - Emotional Mastery with Kerry

Developer of the Psychosexual Alignment method and published author, Jacqui Olliver has helped thousands of men, women and couples restore emotional and sexual satisfaction in their lives. Click here to check out her programs or to book a complimentary strategy session so you can save time, stride forward with confidence, and enjoy a happy and fulfilling life.

Display comments

    • Hi David, alcohol is commonly used as an emotional feeling fix – as in reaching for alcohol to feel more at ease with your thoughts and emotions. The Emotional Reset Technique (ERT) is a method that helps you establish a calm physiological state when emotionally triggered from a perceived threat or hurt. By taking charge of your biology with ERT you will be able to down-regulate stress hormones while increasing the flow of dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and endorphins which naturally make you feel good.

  • I was going through a very bad phase in my life and had lost hope. Then I came across this technique and I contacted Jacqui. I am totally impressed by the way she has explained this technique to me. Since that day everything has changed and I am happy to be alive.

  • As Dr Vijay Raghavan said he is using Emotional Reset Technique in his clinical practice in the treatment of chronic kidney failure and heart disease. This technique looks like a breakthrough technique.

    • Thank you Ruth, we are receiving lots of feedback on the success of this technique – from health and medical issues, to less arguments and more peace in a person’s life and relationships.

  • Very well explained article as you have covered the most specific points with regards to emotional response.

  • Your Emotional Reset technique is effective as I can see results immediately after my session with you and it just keeps getting better. Thank you so much for giving more meaning to my life.

  • This article helped me a lot in dealing with my emotions and I am wondering how effective your online program would be. Thanks!

  • I have faced a lot of ups and down in my relationship. I still try to sort out things without having a conflict but things don’t go like that. Can you help?

    • Hi Nakita, I’m totally confident I can help you resolve your conflicts in a timely manner. It’s important to have a clear direction of what you want to achieve so you are more focused on what you want instead of what you don’t want. They key to resolving conflict is removing blame and knowing how to resolve differences to prevent communication breakdown. ERT – the Emotional Reset Technique will help you remove resistance and achieve the outcomes you desire.

  • The Emotional Reset Technique you taught me is working for me and I have overcome all the negativity which used to trigger me in the past. Thanks Jacqui!

  • Thanks Jacqui, I really appreciate what you have discovered. This will help a lot of people overcome being triggered.

    • Hi Nancy, first you have to stop fighting your thoughts and emotions so you align with yourself. How to do this is fully explained in our Emotional Reset Technique program.

        • Hi John, the Emotional Reset Technique online program will be launched soon. A full explanation of how it works is contained in the program. The Emotional Reset resolves the emotion in the moment it is triggered, and the Emotional Reset Technique is the process to redirect your attention toward empowered thinking. Empowered thinking leads you toward what you want instead of what you don’t want in life and in your relationships.

          The Emotional Reset Technique program will help restore quality of life to those who suffer from isolation, loneliness, anxiety, depression, addictions, bullying, domestic violence and relationship breakdown; among other social issues.

  • {"email":"Email address invalid","url":"Website address invalid","required":"Required field missing"}

    Get 10 Ways to Improve Your Sex Life Today!