The No.1 Relationship Killer

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Complacency. It’s a killer in relationships. It can contribute to sexual issues such as premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction and it’s the precursor to the death of many relationships. Complacency isn’t relevant to everyone, but both sides of complacency is something you definitely need to be aware of so you don’t inadvertently kill your partner’s sex drive, or make them become less attracted to you.

no.1 relationship killer

So how does complacency affect your relationships?
There are two sides of complacency – doing too much and doing too little – and both can rapidly kill sexual appetite and sexual attraction in both men and women. And what’s left between you and your mate after sexual attraction is gone? Friends. Either that or complacency signals the end of the relationship, whether it be a quick demise or a long-winded withdrawal from both sexes… which is emotionally draining and demoralizing to all concerned – including the children.

The first type of complacency is an inclination to please – this person is often a people pleaser and will do everything possible to please their partner. From frequently buying them gifts, to cooking and cleaning, to making excuses for their partner’s harsh or rude behaviour, to disrespecting their own personal boundaries in an effort to please their partner or to simply keep the peace.

It’s important to have a great “A” game, but this person is so over the top nice (overly nice is common in both men and women) that their behaviour often has a smothering affect which pushes their partner away. Unfortunately it is common for the partner of this type of person to become bored, repelled and disinterested as well as losing attraction and regrettably, all respect.

This type of complacency is very common among “nice” men. Women who have been with players can initially become attracted to a nice man because he makes her feel safe, loved and wanted. But being too nice will eventually trip you up, because it doesn’t trigger the very basic human need of attraction. This is why partners of nice men often lose interest in sex after a period of time – unless they have already aborted the relationship.

To regain balance from type one complacency requires some mystery… you must hold back a little. Don’t always be available. Sometimes, even be unavailable and a bit vague. Engage in interests outside the relationship which fulfil you as a person. Have a life. Don’t be a doormat.

To paint a clear picture for you, what happens when you play a new game? It’s fun, it’s interesting and you can’t wait to get past the first level. But what happens when you master all the levels? Is the game still fun for you, once you know all the moves, or has it become somewhat tedious and boring?

As human beings we are hard wired for adventure! We crave being mentally, emotionally as well as physically stimulated. If everything is nicely handed to us on a platter, we very quickly become bored and may look for adventures elsewhere.

The second type of complacency is a feeling of satisfaction or security – and this is often while being unaware of a lurking potential danger.

These men (or women) have no idea that their constant state of inaction is contributing to their lack of sex and/or emotional fulfilment! Frequently, these can be men who don’t contribute to their partner’s fulfilment outside of the bedroom, or not enough to make an impact sexually.

Whereas men are by nature sexual creatures, women by nature are emotional. Unless it’s that time of the month, you’ve got to manually turn her sexual switches on! This isn’t achieved by expecting her to cook all the meals, clean up after you and then for her to put on some skimpy lingerie so you can ravage her.

Ahh…nah. That’s just not going to happen. You have to participate in the relationship 24/7. She feels the most loved and turned on, when you take care of some of those tasks she detests (this can also include listening to a summary of her day) and when you do it because you can, not because you expect to get sex in return. THAT is a turn on for most women. Then keep her on her toes with good humour and by not always being available.

From a man’s perspective, type two complacency is when a woman stops looking after herself… stops dressing up and making herself, well, womanly. After all, that is what turns a man on! He wants you to be his woman, not to dress slovenly – and in appearance be more like a man.

This is a reality check – because it can kill physical attraction for a man, even if he loves you dearly. And if a man’s not feeling physically attracted, well that can cause performance anxiety and equate to episodes of erectile dysfunction or early ejaculation in the bedroom.

It’s also common for both men and women to let themselves go as they age – thinking along the lines of: well, my partner loves me, so I don’t need to do anything about it. That’s the worst kind of complacency – and it could cost you your relationship. Most partners won’t mention it, but this can be like an elephant in the room, constantly eating away at your relationship.

As you can see, it’s very easy to tip the scales of complacency against you – even when you have the best intentions in mind.

Respect yourself as a person and you can regain respect from your partner. As your self confidence builds, you immediately become more attractive to the opposite sex and as you become more attractive to the opposite sex, guess what? Attraction is once again stimulated in your partner. And if your partner suffers from sexual dysfunctions including premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction then your action may help them end the problem.

Attribution: This article was first posted as Are You Accidentally Killing Your Sex Life? by Jacqui Olliver on Be the first to start the conversation below.

Jacqui Olliver
Psychosexual Relationship Specialist at End the Problem, Jacqui Olliver is a published author who renews relationships by solving people's emotional and sexual issues. In the past 7 years, she has helped over 1,000 men, women, and couples restore a relaxed, happy, and fulfilling sex life and enhance their overall connection. Click here to check out her programs or to book a complimentary strategy session and start getting real answers to solve the real problems.

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