The No.1 Relationship Killer

Are You Accidentally Ruining Your Relationship?

Complacency isn’t relevant to everyone, but there are two sides of complacency you definitely need to be aware of, so you don’t inadvertently switch off your libido or make your partner become less attracted to you. Complacency is the precursor to the death of many relationships, as well as contributing to sexual issues such as early ejaculation and loss of erection hardness in men and a low libido and being unable to orgasm in women. 

lack of attraction in your partner

What’s left between a couple after sexual attraction is gone? Numerous couples are reduced to just being friends. While one partner might be happy with this arrangement, it often isn’t enough for the other partner who craves being in a mutually fulfilling relationship. 

Complacency can signal the end of your relationship, whether it be a quick demise or a long-winded withdrawal by both partners… or it can be the start of a bright new future together, depending on what action you are prepared to take:

Type 1 Complacency

Is an inclination to please – the person is often a people pleaser and will do everything possible to please their partner. From frequently buying them gifts, to doing all the cooking and cleaning, to making excuses for their partner’s harsh or rude behaviour, to disrespecting their own personal boundaries in an effort to please their partner (or to simply keep the peace).

It’s important to have a great “A” game, but this person is often so over the top nice that their behaviour can have the adverse effect of being smothering, which tends to push their partner away. Type 1 complacency is sad but true, happens to many couples and is very common among genuinely “nice” men and women who really care about their partner.

However, being too nice can eventually have a repelling effect, because it doesn’t trigger the very basic human need of attraction.

It can be common for the partner of this type of person to become bored and start disengaging from the relationship. This shows up as displaying less interest and affection, making excuses to avoid being intimate, and furtively seeking freedom by spending more and more time away with friends. This lack of respect can also lead to type 2 complacency which I will explain below.

How to Overcome Being Type 1 Complacent:

Maintaining attraction requires constant tweaking to retain our partner’s interest. As human beings we are hard-wired for adventure! We crave being mentally, emotionally as well as physically stimulated. If everything is nicely handed to us on a platter, we very quickly become bored and may look for adventures elsewhere.

Regardless of your gender, to regain balance from being type one complacent requires adding some mystery… you must hold back a little. Don’t always be available. Sometimes, even be unavailable and a bit vague. Have a life outside of your relationship. Don’t be a doormat. 

Doing all of the above, as well as engaging in hobbies and interests outside the relationship which fulfil you as a person will help you quickly regain your sense of self worth and become a more powerful magnet of attraction. 

Type 2 Complacency

This is a feeling of satisfaction or security, often while being unaware of a lurking potential danger. These partners have no idea that their constant state of inaction is contributing to the lack of sex and/or emotional fulfilment in their relationship.

It’s common for both men and women to let themselves go as they age – thinking along the lines of: well, my partner loves me, so I don’t need to make an effort to keep in shape. This is disrespectful to yourself as well as your partner – and it could also cost your life.

The reality is that we need to actively maintain our health and fitness throughout life, especially as we become older. Most partners won’t mention it, but it can be an ongoing source of disappointment and discouragement when a partner doesn’t seem to think you’re important enough for them to make an effort to keep themselves fit and attractive.

This is also true when it comes to fulfilling your requirement of helping out around the house, or changing an annoying behaviour. If your partner mentions the importance of doing something out loud, you can guarantee they have thought about it at least 100x before mentioning it to you. So when you disregard your partner's requests, or don't appear to give them any importance, your partner can perceive you as being selfish and/or showing a lack of care and respect.

How to Overcome Being Type 2 Complacent

It’s important to participate in your life and relationships 24/7. Too many times we opt for the easy option instead of putting some effort into looking and feeling our best. Looking after your health and well-being, being creative with your appearance and dressing stylishly, not just in public but at home as well, will go a long way toward igniting and maintaining attraction in your relationship.

When giving instructions or answering questions for your partner, it is helpful to be direct and forthcoming so you don't overwhelm them with irrelevant details which can lead to frustration and annoyance. All they want to do is help, so do your best to be respectful by getting straight to the point and they will surely appreciate and take note of your effort.

Then, it’s a matter of keeping your partner on their toes with good humour and by not always being physically available. These things are generally a turn on for all genders.

In Summary

As you can see, it can be very easy to tip the scales of complacency against you - even when you have the best of intentions in your relationship.

To swiftly start improving your relationship now, make sure you walk your talk and aim to be the best version of yourself. Respect yourself as a person and you will regain respect from your partner. As your self-confidence builds, you will immediately be and feel more attractive; and emotional connection, desire, and anticipation for sex will once again be stimulated in yourself and in your partner.

Attribution: This article was first posted by Jacqui Olliver on

Developer of the Psychosexual Alignment method and published author, Jacqui Olliver has helped thousands of men, women and couples restore emotional and sexual satisfaction in their lives. Click here to check out her programs or to book a complimentary strategy session so you can save time, stride forward with confidence, and enjoy a happy and fulfilling life.

Display comments

  • Thanks Jacqui, this article really helped me. It hit home quite a lot. I think complacency really had crept into my relationship, particularly from my side and it was really damaging. This helped give me a bit of a wake up call. It’s easy to let things get worse and worse and I know I can be guilty of wallowing a bit – but I’ve been a lot more positive and attentive with my partner, we’ve talked about things and we’re a lot happier now.

  • Jacqui thank you so much for your advice it help me find my self esteem again I finally realize things happen for a reason. Your comment we are responsible for the choices we make it’s not destiny. Thank you so much god bless you, keep sending me your advice.

  • A timely blog, for the weekend, about getting the balance right, and keeping the adventure, and spark in the bedroom alive.

    After a morning of breaking the patterns of when to have sex and when to go running… Sometimes it can be about giving, sometimes receiving – so we went for a late run, secure in our relationship. ED, PE and performance anxiety need not control our lives. Now for the next adventure in the bedroom and outside…

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