Why Do Couples Argue So Much?
A study conducted in the UK has revealed that most couples argue 312 times per year. We argue for many reasons, often without understanding the underlying cause. Minor irritations tend to be over frivolous matters such as leaving the toilet seat up and other unwanted household habits.
Many arguments are caused by long-standing serious issues such as ongoing sexual “malfunctions” in either or both partners. Other arguments occur because of incompatibilities in the health, lifestyle and financial sectors of a relationship. These are frequently caused by conflicts of values.
Regardless of the challenges you are facing, clear communication is key to resolving all related issues. But have you ever wondered why you don’t feel heard?
In this video, I explain why a well thought out conversation ends up sounding like an accusation and how arguing your point and emotional resistance are preventing you from clearly communicating your needs in your relationships with others.
Without first removing the element of resistance, you will constantly feel like you’re going around in circles. This is why so many couples go to numerous marriage and relationship counselors and fail to resolve their main issue. They’re looking for an answer to the problem without realizing a big chunk of the problem is actually occurring within themselves!
Always Arguing With Yourself?
When you’re fighting yourself and the emotional stress responses triggered within you, it’s a natural progression to feeling out of sorts. This sense of disconnection can naturally result in irritability, controlling behaviors, bullying or fault-finding criticism toward others.
This is because when we feel that burr of annoyance kick in, we have a tendency to dig in and argue our point. This is often to defend our perspective or in our fight to feel heard. This often results in a person believing they need the other person to change so they can feel better.
Whether an issue is big or small, arguing your point never works. Arguing has a repelling effect on all involved. It creates even further resistance so instead of feeling heard; you all feel that uncomfortable wall of resistance which keeps everyone feeling separate.
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