Why Performance Anxiety Makes You Sexually Lose Control in Bed

By Jacqui Olliver

So what is sexual performance anxiety? And why does it make you lose control in bed? Anxiety is part of the emotional response program triggered in your brain whenever you are uncertain of how to proceed.

Sex problems including premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction and being unable to orgasm frequently cause performance anxiety. This is usually due to not understanding how your sexual programs need to work.

Sexual programming and performance anxiety

Sexual problems are either randomly occurring or a constant drag on your ability to feel fulfilled as a human being. They occur when the sex programs stored in your brain are either incomplete or have become confused due to mental contamination.

Your body didn’t come with an instruction manual. So when things start going wrong sexually, you have no idea what you are doing wrong. And in other cases, what you were doing right prior to that fateful day when sexual confidence was lost!

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Performance anxiety and past sex experiences

The first consensual experience we have sexually, often sets us up for life. This first sexual experience is either positive (everything works as we think it should) or negative – resulting in loss of erection or early ejaculation for a male or being unable to achieve orgasm for the female.

If your first sex experience was positive, generally no problems occur during the second attempt and for a period of time you continue to have a fulfilling sex life. Unfortunately it can take just one instance of mental contamination which can lead to an ongoing experience of unwanted sex problems.

If your first experience wasn’t successful, you’re more likely to remain concerned about your sexual performance and might experience what seems to be a lifelong pattern of performance anxiety. This often prevents you from being in control of your body sexually and being able to achieve sexual fulfilment with a partner. Anxiety over-rides every other conscious program, making it impossible to think clearly.

The anxiety is constantly triggered because you don’t know how to proceed sexually with confidence. Or how to achieve your ideal result (EG: for a man to stay hard and in control of ejaculation.)

Have you ever seen the look of bewilderment on a child’s face the first time they are instructed to tie their own shoelaces? This is because they have no program stored in their brain to accurately complete this task. Once shown the exact procedure for tying shoelaces, with some practice the child rapidly gains confidence to become in charge of that task.

The same concept applies to sex

When you experience erectile dysfunction and start feeling like you’re losing erection hardness, anxiety is triggered and your mind panics. This mental contamination occurs because you don’t know the exact procedure required for your brain to trigger another erection. More anxiety is triggered when you start worrying about what your partner is thinking of your sexual performance.

When your brain has the complete “procedure” for sex, you are able to experience immense sexual confidence. You will only momentarily experience anxiety if you lose focus and feel like you’re losing your erection. This is because you know exactly how to apply the correct focus sequence required by your brain, to immediately regain your erection.

This essential knowledge removes all anxiety.

What used to be a major problem is now just a momentary blip in an otherwise mutually fulfilling sex life.

Anxiety and the sexual arousal scale

Erectile Dysfunction and premature ejaculation are similar problems, but at opposite ends of the sexual arousal scale.

When you experience early ejaculation, it feels like you’re uncontrollably approaching ejaculation soon after engaging sexually with your partner. This automatically makes you feel anxious and nervous. Conversely, with erectile dysfunction, the worry is about not being hard enough to fulfill her.

Because you don’t know the procedure required to start sex in the “hard and in control zone” (or pull yourself back into the zone) your mind panics and you either lose your hard or ejaculate early. The more frequently this occurs, the more sexual confidence is lost. Leading to emotional withdrawal from your partner and/or avoiding relationships due to your fear of being unable to perform.

Once you understand the mechanics of sex, how to satisfy a woman, and how to penetrate in the hard and in control zone and remain in this safety zone throughout sex, performance anxiety is instantly halved. It is then further reduced by consistently practicing the complete procedure your brain needs, to maintain optimal sexual performance.

Now it's time to take action

Ready to overcome performance anxiety and tackle sexual problems like erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and orgasm challenges? Initiate the process of regaining control by providing your brain with the right signals. Utilize the power of Sex Mastery to restore your sexual confidence!

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Jacqui Olliver

Jacqui Olliver

As the founder of the Psychosexual Alignment methodology and published author, Jacqui has helped thousands of men and women easily resolve sex problems and restore emotional connection. Get your ultimate sex education and elevate intimacy to an exciting new level of engagement with Jacqui's Sex Mastery Programs for Men and Women.

© Jacqui Olliver and the Life Education Initiative. All Rights Reserved. DMCA protected. Content on this website is for information purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for medical advice. *Results vary from person to person.