The Sexual Arousal Scale & How to Balance Your Sexual Focus

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80% of women have problems achieving orgasm during intercourse, with  close to 40% of the adult male population suffering from sexual dysfunction including premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction. When you don't know what you should be focusing on during sex, your attention is all over the place. This confuses your brain and prevents you from achieving a satisfying sex life. If you suffer from any of the above sex problems, you need to understand the sexual arousal scale and how to balance your sexual focus to stay in control of your arousal levels.

balance your sexual focus

Imagine giving a teen a car, a key and a fuel voucher when they want to learn how to drive a car. Without giving them any instruction on how to drive the car! This is the equivalent of the sex education system and why so many men and women continue to fail to complete the sexual act. In this post, I’ll explain the sexual arousal scale, how erectile dysfunction (weak erections), premature ejaculation (ejaculating early) and being unable to reach orgasm are influenced by the sexual arousal scale, and what you need to do to balance your sexual focus so can become in charge of your body to enjoy sex.

Understanding the Sexual Arousal Scale

A functioning sexual union between a male and a female is determined by two factors:

  1. How long it takes for her to finish orgasming
  2. How long it takes for him to ejaculate

Now remember, a woman can take up to 20 minutes to achieve her desired amount of orgasms (the thought/action sequence required for multiple orgasms is the same as reaching one). Whereas it only takes a man ONE minute to ejaculate from when he activates the ejaculation program in his brain. So on that premise, he must keep sexually active during foreplay and intercourse for 20 minutes before he ejaculates.

The problems which are usually encountered for a male are that he can’t get a hard erection, he loses erection hardness, ejaculates early, or can’t ejaculate at all. Erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation are similar problems, but at opposite ends of the arousal scale.

The arousal scale is the measurement of how much pleasure you are feeling.

Premature Ejaculation, Erectile Dysfunction and the Sexual Arousal Scale

If you’re a male, erectile dysfunction and being unable to achieve orgasm are both indicators that you are on the lower end of the arousal scale. When you’re under aroused there’s no erection or you have a weak erection, or you lose your erection or can’t ejaculate. When a man’s on the under aroused end of the arousal scale he’ll fall off the edge because he can’t maintain his hard. 

Conversely, for a man on the over aroused end of the arousal scale, there’s no control, thrusting movements don’t feel safe, he’s over excited, quickly reaches the point of no return and ejaculates early.

For a woman, being on the under aroused end of the arousal scale indicates that she is mentally distracted. This means that her libido doesn’t fully engage and she is unable to reach an orgasm. This is usually caused by her partner having a weak erection or early ejaculation problem, or not knowing how to focus her attention during sex which I can correct. Knowing how to stay fully engaged and at the upper end of the arousal scale is ideal for a woman as it makes it easy for her to consistently achieve orgasms, which makes sex more fun 🙂

balancing sexual focus

Erectile Dysfunction & Balancing Your Sexual Focus

Erectile dysfunction (weak erection) is usually manifested by putting too much emphasis on your partner, for example too much foreplay on her. Also, being distracted and thinking about the overwhelming circumstances and consequently losing control of your erection hardness due to this pressure.

Too much time spent doing other things and not enough emphasis (or correct technique) on inflating your own penis while attempting to reach the “hard” zone on the arousal scale. With a malfunctioning penis, she has barely started her pleasure time and you can’t participate with her any further!

Premature Ejaculation & Balancing Your Sexual Focus

When you ejaculate early you're on the upper end of the arousal scale. Usually this is manifested by putting too much emphasis on yourself. This is the beginning of the initial problem because it’s basically selfishness even though it’s usually unintentional. This could be considered a loss of self control.

Remember, it takes one minute to ejaculate once you’ve initiated the ejaculation program in your brain. So if you accidentally choose the wrong moment, it ends up being a disaster because your partner has been shortchanged in sexual participation time.

How to Control Your Movement Along the Sexual Arousal Scale

Whenever a man starts worrying about what’s going on with his penis, he can lose his erection or lose ejaculation control. Depending on where he’s located on the arousal scale will dictate the outcome. If he’s on the lower end of the sexual arousal scale he will lose his erection. Conversely, when he becomes distracted on the upper end of the sexual arousal scale, he will lose control and ejaculate early.

In other words, too little thought of arousal will make his penis go flaccid, whereas too much thought of arousal will make his penis squirt.

balancing your sexual focus

Sexual Control Requires Balancing the Sexual Trifecta

The Sexual Trifecta contains 3 essential elements of sexual focus. Your brain analyses these “messages” then moves you along the arousal scale accordingly.

  1. Sexually arousing thoughts
  2. Sexually arousing feelings (awareness of feelings)
  3. Sexually arousing actions

When your sexual focus is out of balance, the wrong muscle program is activated which causes problems - for a man, this is either erection problems or ejaculation problems. Once he’s out of the safety zone, either down or up he is in the ED (erectile dysfunction) or PE (premature ejaculation) area and is in trouble.

Regardless of your gender, balancing your sexual focus is imperative for achieving a happy and satisfying sex life

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While a woman simply requires more sexual focus to switch on her libido, reach an orgasm and then to achieve multiple orgasms, it’s more of a challenge for a man to balance his sexual focus. He needs to stay hard and in control, which requires some fine-tuning. Remember, sex education doesn't yet provide the mental mechanics required for sex, so problems can easily arise when a person doesn't fully understand how to balance their sexual focus. The right education will prevent what I call "sexual malfunctions" from occurring, as well as solve them.

Can’t get a hard erection, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation and can’t ejaculate all stem from the same erotic zone, but for different reasons. Males can transition through any variation of the above. The answers to all problems are presented in my consulting and prerecorded programs for that reason, so there isn’t any confusion later!

Summary: Why You Need to Balance Your Sexual Focus

It’s not ideal for a partner to try and retain their own state of arousal while they wait for their partner to be ready, nor does anyone want sex to be over before it has begun. When a woman has had enough foreplay, she immediately wants her man to switch to intercourse so she can feel him inside her. Then, when she’s had enough fulfilling intercourse time, she wants him to switch to ejaculation.

As a man, this is easy when you are prepared. Preparation is achieved by balancing your sexual focus along the arousal scale throughout ALL sexual activities. This includes during foreplay, penetration and intercourse and is fully explained in my Sex Mastery Hard AND in Control step-by-step program for men.

Women also have a sexual arousal scale and it’s just as important for a woman to balance her sexual focus to engage her libido and restore her overall desire for sex. This is fully explained in my Sex Mastery Enjoyable Sex and Orgasms step-by-step program for women. I have total confidence my Sex Mastery programs will restore a happy and satisfying sex life for you and your partner. Guaranteed.

Jacqui Olliver's Sex Mastery Programs:
Men: Hard AND in Control
Women: Enjoyable Sex and Orgasms

Jacqui Olliver
Jacqui Olliver is a Psychosexual Relationship Specialist and published author who renews relationships by solving people's emotional and sexual issues. In the past 7 years, she has helped over 1,000 men, women, and couples restore a relaxed, happy, and fulfilling sex life and enhance their overall connection. Click here to check out her programs or book a complimentary strategy session and start getting real answers to solve the real problems.

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