The Sexual Arousal Scale & How to Balance Your Sexual Focus

Understand How Sexual Arousal Works

Many men and women suffer from the debilitating effects of sexual function issues which constantly undermine their confidence, self-esteem and desire to connect with a partner sexually. If you or our partner suffer from sex problems you need to understand the sexual arousal scale and how to balance your sexual focus to stay in control of your arousal levels to avoid unwanted mishaps.

balance your sexual focus

With over 31% of the adult male population suffer from sexual dysfunction including premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction, more than 43% of women have problems reaching an orgasm. Many women are unable to reach an orgasm during intercourse.

In this post, I’ll explain the sexual arousal scale, how erectile dysfunction (weak erections), premature ejaculation (ejaculating early) and being unable to reach orgasm are influenced by the sexual arousal scale, and what you need to do to balance your sexual focus so can become in charge of your body and enjoy a happy and mutually fulfilling sex life.

How We Go Wrong Sexually

In most cases, male and female "sexual malfunctions" are caused by a lack of relevant sex education knowledge. This results in much confusion involved in the sexual act.

Imagine giving a teen a car, a key and a fuel voucher when they want to learn how to drive a car, without giving them any instruction on how to operate the vehicle? Crazy, right? Well, this is what happens to people sexually.

When you don't know what you should be focusing on during sex, your mind will wander and become distracted. This confuses your brain as to what you want and can result in loss of erection hardness, early ejaculation or being unable to ejaculate in men, and a woman's libido switching off or being unable to reach orgasm.

To regain control over your body, you need to understand the sexual arousal scale and how to balance your sexual focus.

sexual arousal scale

The Sexual Arousal Scale

The sexual arousal scale is the measurement of how much pleasure you are feeling.

A functioning sexual union between a male and a female is determined by two factors:

  1. How long it takes for her to finish orgasming
  2. How long it takes for him to ejaculate

Now remember, a woman can take up to 20 minutes to achieve her desired amount of orgasms. The thought/action sequence required for a woman to reach multiple orgasms is the same as reaching one. Whereas it only takes a man ONE minute to ejaculate from when he activates the ejaculation program in his brain. So on that premise, he must keep sexually active during foreplay and intercourse for 20 minutes before he ejaculates.

The problems which are usually encountered for a male are that he can’t get a hard erection, he loses erection hardness, ejaculates early, or can’t ejaculate at all. Erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation are similar problems, but at opposite ends of the arousal scale.

Premature Ejaculation, Erectile Dysfunction and the Sexual Arousal Scale

For a male, erectile dysfunction and being unable to ejaculate are both indicators that you are on the lower end of the arousal scale. When you’re under aroused there’s no erection or you have a weak erection, or you lose your erection or can’t ejaculate. When a man’s on the under aroused end of the arousal scale he’ll fall off the edge because he can’t maintain his hard. 

Conversely, for a man on the over aroused end of the arousal scale, there’s no control, thrusting movements don’t feel safe, he’s over excited, quickly reaches the point of no return and ejaculates early.

The Sexual Arousal Scale for Women

For a woman, being on the under aroused end of the arousal scale indicates that she is mentally distracted. This means that her libido doesn’t fully engage and she is unable to reach an orgasm. This is usually caused by her partner having a weak erection or early ejaculation problem or not knowing how to correctly focus her attention during sex which I can correct.

Knowing how to stay fully engaged and at the upper end of the arousal scale is ideal for a woman as it makes it easy for her to consistently achieve orgasms, which makes sex a whole lot more fun 🙂

balancing sexual focus

Erectile Dysfunction and Balancing Your Sexual Focus

Erectile dysfunction (weak erection) is usually manifested by putting too much emphasis on your partner, for example too much foreplay on her. Also, being distracted and thinking about the overwhelming circumstances and consequently losing control of your erection hardness due to this pressure.

Too much time spent doing other things and not enough emphasis (or correct technique) on inflating your own penis while attempting to reach the “hard” zone on the arousal scale. With a malfunctioning penis, she has barely started her pleasure time and you can’t participate with her any further!

Premature Ejaculation and Balancing Your Sexual Focus

When you ejaculate early you're on the upper end of the arousal scale. Usually this is manifested by putting too much emphasis on yourself. This is the beginning of the initial problem because it’s basically selfishness even though it’s usually unintentional. This could be considered a loss of self control.

Remember, it takes one minute to ejaculate once you’ve initiated the ejaculation program in your brain. So if you accidentally choose the wrong moment, it ends up being a disaster because your partner has been shortchanged in sexual participation time.

How to Control Your Movement Along the Sexual Arousal Scale

Whenever a man starts worrying about what’s going on with his penis, he can lose his erection or lose ejaculation control. Depending on where he’s located on the arousal scale will dictate the outcome. If he’s on the lower end of the sexual arousal scale he will lose his erection. Conversely, when he becomes distracted on the upper end of the sexual arousal scale, he will lose control and ejaculate early.

In other words, too little thought of arousal will make his penis go flaccid, whereas too much thought of arousal will make his penis squirt.

balancing your sexual focus

Sexual Control Requires Balancing the Sexual Trifecta

The Sexual Trifecta contains 3 essential elements of sexual focus. Your brain analyses these “messages” then moves you along the arousal scale accordingly.

  1. Sexually arousing focus
  2. Sexually arousing actions
  3. Which moderate your awareness of sexual feeling

When your sexual focus is out of balance, the wrong muscle program is activated which causes problems - for a man, this is either erection problems or ejaculation problems. Once he’s out of the safety zone, either down or up he is in the ED (erectile dysfunction) or PE (premature ejaculation) area and is in trouble.

Regardless of your gender, balancing your sexual focus is imperative for achieving a happy and satisfying sex life

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While a woman simply requires more sexual focus to switch on her libido, reach an orgasm and then to achieve multiple orgasms, it’s more of a challenge for a man to balance his sexual focus. He needs to stay hard and in control, which requires some fine-tuning.

Remember, sex education doesn't yet provide the mental mechanics required for sex, so problems can easily arise when a person doesn't fully understand how to balance their sexual focus. The right education will prevent what I call "sexual malfunctions" from occurring, as well as solve them.

Can’t get a hard erection, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation and can’t ejaculate all stem from the same erotic zone, but for different reasons. Males can transition through any variation of the above. The answers to all problems are presented in my programs for that reason, so there isn’t any confusion later!

Summary: Why You Need to Balance Your Sexual Focus

It’s not ideal for a partner to try and retain their own state of arousal while they wait for their partner to be ready, nor does anyone want sex to be over before it has begun. When a woman has had enough foreplay, she immediately wants her man to switch to intercourse so she can feel him inside her. Then, when she’s had enough fulfilling intercourse time, she wants him to switch to ejaculation. This means he has to be ready to go!

Women also have a sexual arousal scale and it’s just as important for a woman to balance her sexual focus to engage her libido, restore her overall desire for sex as well as to easily reach orgasm. 

Fulfilling sex is easy when you are prepared. Preparation is achieved by balancing your sexual focus along the arousal scale throughout ALL sexual activities including during foreplay, penetration and intercourse.

I explain how to balance your sexual focus step-by-step in my Sex Mastery programs for men and women. 


Developer of the Psychosexual Alignment method and published author, Jacqui Olliver has helped thousands of men, women and couples restore emotional and sexual satisfaction in their lives. Click here to check out her programs or to book a complimentary strategy session so you can save time, stride forward with confidence, and enjoy a happy and fulfilling life.

Display comments

  • Please help my husband with his sexual focus. He seems to have lost interest which is affecting our sex life. Any help would be appreciated.

    • Hi Joy, it is common for men with long-standing weak erection problems or premature ejaculation to eventually lose interest in sex. This is due to the constant fear of their inability to perform. I recommend my Sex Mastery: Hard AND in Control program, or you can set up a complimentary strategy session via the Pricing page. I look forward to helping you restore satisfaction in this important area of your relationship.

  • With proper preparation and instructions I am able to balance my sexual focus which has changed my sex life completely. My hubby is really very happy. Thanks Jacqui for helping me out.

    • Hi Jones, yes, you can fix the curve in your penis so it becomes straight. Night fall is normal for men. If you want to reduce night fall, I suggest you fix your penis issues so you are not constantly thinking about your penis and taking those thoughts about sex into your dreams! My Sex Mastery Hard and in Control program teaches you step-by-step how to be in control of yourself so you can last longer.

  • After reading this I more easily understand the sexual arousal scale and how to balance sexual focus to stay in control. Thanks!

  • Sexual focus plays a very important role while having sex. I have started working on my focus like you mention in your sex mastery program and I have realized that it is really working for me.

    • Hi Stevie, correcting your sexual focus is the most important aspect of solving a sexual “malfunction” problem. You will continue to improve from here and soon realize you have achieved mastery over sex 🙂

  • My husband’s stamina is incredible but still I am not able to achieve orgasm. Does this mean that my sexual focus is not aligned?

    • Hi Joanne, yes, that is correct. It is common for a woman’s mind to become distracted during sex, and this is usually what prevents her from achieving orgasm. You need to balance the right amount of thoughts, sexual actions and awareness of feeling to fully engage your brain (and body) to result in an orgasm. It’s like driving a car, you need to apply the right amount of acceleration to reach your destination 🙂

  • I am able to last for a long time now, as I have started working on maintaining the balance as you suggest in your program. Thanks for the info.

    • Hi Ben, it can be either or both. If you have problems ejaculating early or losing erection hardness it can be mentally distracting for your partner. Otherwise, your wife just needs to learn how to balance her sexual focus. This can be achieved via my 1/1 consulting program, or pre-recorded Sex Mastery: Enjoyable Sex and Orgasms program for women.

  • Sometimes I too lose my focus while having sex is it because of low libido or any other reason. My BF complains about it every time we have sex. Please provide me a solution.

    • Hi Shelby, it’s easy to become mentally distracted during sex. This leads to your brain switching off the arousal program and makes you unable to orgasm. How to focus your attention during sex so you can get turned on, stay turned on and have enjoyable sex and orgasms is fully explained step-by-step in my Sex Mastery program for women.

  • I ejaculate within a minute so does it mean that I am not balancing my focus? And if I will balance my focus then can I last longer?

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