Ever wondered what women think about common sex myths? Or wondered how to make sure you’re getting things right from the female perspective? I was recently asked to give some expert advice on busting open common sex myths that may be ruining your sex life.
With that in mind, here's the female perspective for 8 common sex myths so you can stop accidentally ruining your sex life and help keep her interested in sex.
Common Sex Myths #1: I Don't Need to Use Lube, Women Are Naturally Wet
Don't believe everything you hear about sex. This common sex myth can result in the loss of a woman’s sexual appetite! Lubrication happens as she gets turned on… which means you need to use lube to get her there and to also help prepare her for intercourse. Giving oral isn't necessarily enough to lubricate her for penetration because saliva dries very quickly.
Going in dry (whether that’s manual stimulation or penis in vagina penetration) can make for a difficult and uncomfortable experience for both of you. Many women, especially over 35, experience inner vaginal dryness which is extreme dryness in the inner walls of the vagina, causing searing pain during penetration and intercourse.
Regardless of a woman’s age, unless she knows the sequence to initiate a pre-sexual-activity squirt, then she may not be sufficiently lubricated for intercourse.
I hope you’re catching on that lube is really important. While some women are initially adverse to the idea of using lube, once they’ve experienced the ease of penetration the first time they are usually open to using it again. Lube is also important for guys because it makes it easier to penetrate.
As a natural personal lubricant, coconut oil is one of the best. You can also use a good organic lube. Applying a very small amount of lube or coconut oil to the outside edge of her vagina will do the trick. Oil-based lube is warming and provides better stimulation, whereas water-based lube is cooling.
Sex Myth #2: Body Odor Doesn’t Matter During Sex
While the movies will often depict couples coming together all hot and sweaty, it’s another common sex myth that women find body odors a turn on. Most women enjoy the natural musky scent of their male, however, BO is a real turn-off, especially during sex. From the female perspective, not dealing with body odor can communicate that her partner doesn’t care for her experience!
Many sexual positions will bring your woman up, close and person to your armpits, so if she’s avoiding being intimate with you, this could be one of the reasons why. Unwanted distractions can prevent her from reaching an orgasm, so make sure you always deal with this one.
If it looks like you might be in for a good time, say you just need to use the bathroom, and quickly wash under your arms with soap and rinse off with water. This washing step is VERY important, because if you just apply smelly stuff it will mix with any BO and make you smell worse.
Common Sex Myth #3: Women Will Go Down on Men Anytime
This is another common sex myth perpetuated by porn and one that leads on from the previous myth. Most women tend to be quite fussy when it comes to smells and personal hygiene, so if your female partner has lost interest in giving you oral, chances are that you haven’t been attending to this vital pre-oral task.
Sex Myth #4: Women Love Men to Cum in Their Mouth
We have porn to thank for this common sex myth. In porn scenes, the woman will greedily gulp down a man’s cum and have him squirt it all over her face. Remember that while porn stars appear to love it - they are acting! Most women screw up their face in disgust at the mere thought of a man cumming in her mouth - and if a woman thinks you expect this of her she may avoid giving you any oral at all.
If you’re being intimate with a new partner and you want her to give you oral, ask whether or not she wants you to cum in her mouth. Most women will be really pleased you asked - and that they have an option! The reality is that a load of cum is difficult to swallow - even more so when the timing is unexpected. It’s important to tell her just as you’re about to cum so she can prepare herself. It’s also important to know how to stay in control of ejaculation so you don’t suddenly surprise her.
Common Sex Myth #5: Women Prefer the Lights Off When Having Sex
While many women are concerned or embarrassed about how they look naked, having sex in a completely dark room isn’t ideal either. If she can’t see you her mind will wander; and if her mind is wandering she won’t be able to reach an orgasm.
The trick is to find a happy middle ground.
For the vast majority of women, being able to see their partner when they’re being intimate helps them to stay focused on feelings of connection and desire which then makes it easier to orgasm.
Darkness tends to instate a distracted mind that can take a male off his game. Worrying about what’s happening with his penis can lead to losing his hardness or ejaculating early.
A candle or other dim light positioned in a safe place at floor level is subtle and welcoming without being at all invasive. Low lighting makes applying a condom or lube easier, enhances connection; and gives the male a focal point to distract him from constant thoughts about his penis.
Sex Myths #6: Women Like it Hard and Fast!
Are you starting to see a common thread in these common sex myths? Gaining your sex education from porn can lead to a lot of bad habits including the unwanted hard and fast technique. Not only does this compromise your partner’s feeling of connection with you, it also affects your ability to stay in control of your penis.
Going hard and fast requires your full attention, which means when you do this your partner isn’t getting any of your attention. To her, it just feels like you’re riding her for your own benefit and are not thinking of her at all! If she suddenly wraps you in a bear hug, it’s not because she’s enamored by your speed, it’s because she wants you to slow down so she can feel you.
Think quality rather than quantity; focus on maintaining an even rhythmical action to keep your woman in the orgasm zone.
Sex Myth #7: Women Like a Frequent Change of Position
Common sex myths gained from a porn education can really set a couple up to fail. Some years ago, a couple were referred to me by a marriage counselor. The wife had lost interest in sex 7 years prior, after the birth of their first child. The culprit of her loss of libido? Not the child, but her husband’s unwanted porn technique which included hard and fast and a constant change of position.
Unlike what is portrayed on porn, the majority of real women take a while to get into the orgasm zone, so if you’re constantly changing sexual position, you’re preventing her from reaching an orgasm. This can eventually switch off her libido and make her lose interest in sex. Focus on quality rather than quantity.
See also: The Best Sexual Positions for Couples
Common Sex Myths for Men #8: I Don't Need to Last Longer, I Can Just Give Her More Foreplay!
This common sex myth can do a lot of damage to your relationship. Thinking that he can just give her more foreplay is perhaps the biggest sex myth of all. Many men with early ejaculation or weak erection issues convince themselves that they can make sex more about satisfying their partner with foreplay.
The hard reality is that a woman doesn’t want her partner to make it more about her! This makes her feel disconnected and pressured to reach an orgasm, which long term, can put her off having sex with her partner.
Women like to feel their partner up close and personal, so they can feel more connected on an emotional as well as sexual level. Giving her oral does not enable the feeling of total connection which is only achieved through intercourse.
Common sex myths are perpetuated by the porn industry which is mainly based on fiction and entertainment. Many years ago, I was approached by a porn star who didn’t know how to orgasm with a partner although she was very good at faking it. She told me that many male porn stars use a combination of drugs and numbing creams to stay hard and last longer. This is not the ideal solution as it can lead to many unwanted side-effects as well as lifelong health problems.
Remember that emotional connection is prioritized by most females and you cannot focus on enhancing this if you are worried about your penis or how your sexual technique is affecting her experience!
Good connected sex including the best rhythm, timing and techniques will keep your woman engaged, interested and initiating sex regardless of her age. Upgrade your knowledge base today so you can connect with confidence. Restore your sexual confidence with my Sex Mastery programs for Men and Women.