How to Prepare a Woman for Sex – Even if She’s Not in the Mood

Uncover the exact procedure of how to prepare a woman for sex…

This post includes 10 of my best tips to prepare a woman for sex - from switching her on… to keeping her switched on - and preparing yourself! Discover how to prepare a woman for sex so you can both relax and enjoy regular intimacy.

how to prepare a woman for sex

When a woman is not interested in sex there can be a variety of reasons, including physical or emotional factors, or simply a lack of sexual desire. To enhance connection with a woman, it's important to approach these situations with empathy and understanding, and to communicate openly and honestly with her.

Studies show that most young people get their sex education from porn. Let’s face it – due to a porn education many men think that a woman will be as happy to have sex as he is – and that she will want and initiate sex as frequently as he wants her to! 

Sadly, that’s usually not the case. A man needs more than an amazing sexual intercourse technique to keep a woman interested in having sex with him. He needs to know how to prepare a woman for sex on all levels.

The fact is that if you don’t turn on her “sexual switches” in the right order, or if your woman doesn’t like your foreplay, penetration, and intercourse technique, then she’s going to rapidly lose interest in having sex with you.

Unless she passionately pounces on you and frequently wants you to ravish her, then your lead up to sex both inside and outside of the bedroom is probably lacking in finesse. You need to know how to prepare a woman for sex - and how to increase her desire for sex by improving your overall approach.

female desire and motivation for sex

The science behind a female's desire and motivation for sex

When understanding how to prepare a woman for sex it's important to understand that biologically, women are wired completely differently. Men are hormonally wired to procreate and protect the species, and women are hormonally wired to nurture and grow the species. Even though sex is nowadays more about pleasure and connection, we're highly influenced by sex specific hormones, especially testosterone and oxytocin - and dopamine.

Put simply:

Testosterone provides drive and strength, and the desire to procreate.

Oxytocin (known as the bonding hormone) is released in large quantities at the point of orgasm. Oxytocin is also the balancing hormone to the stress hormone cortisol in both sexes. When cortisol levels are high, oxytocin is low and vice versa. 

Dopamine is the reward hormone, it's what makes you want more of something. Oxytocin and Dopamine are two of the main hormones that make you feel good when you orgasm. 

Men have 7-8x higher levels of testosterone and much lower levels of oxytocin than women. Due to oxytocin being released in large quantities at the point of orgasm, and being the balancing hormone to the stress hormone cortisol, many men rely on having an orgasm to release stress.

Women naturally have much higher levels of oxytocin and much lower levels of testosterone than men. This often translates as a lower sex drive, less desire for sexual intimacy, and more desire to just kiss, cuddle, and hold hands.

Approaching sex and intimacy from a "bonding" level is how to prepare a woman for sex. This will increase her overall desire to initiate sex and in addition to this, when sex is good, high levels of oxytocin and dopamine are generated - which fuels her desire to connect.

Conversely, if sex is stressful or unfulfilling then cortisol levels will be high and she's just not going to be interested. When preparing a woman for sex, you need to deal with any impediments preventing connection.

sexually frustrated woman

How to prepare a woman for sex: eliminate painful penetration.

Women very rarely start off wet, so any kind of penetration can be intensely painful until she starts feeling turned on and her juices start flowing. This means you can't just insert your fingers, a toy, or your penis without preparation! Lube allows for an easy entry so there's no distractions to take her away from her orgasms. Coconut oil is very effective as a lubricant. Use a very small amount on the outside edge of a woman's vagina (don't use too much as it can affect your own rhythm and awareness of sensations.)

For women who suffer from inner vaginal dryness and pain, Lubrication isn't just needed on the outside of the vagina, it's needed on the inside too! Up to 50% of women feel like their vagina is being scraped with coarse sandpaper with any kind of penetration.

This pain is similar to scraping your eyeballs, so it's not something either of you can ignore or pretend doesn't exist. External lube does not fix this, she needs my Inner Vaginal Flush Technique which I explain in detail in my Sex Mastery program for women.

Preparing a woman for sex doesn't just include foreplay techniques. Knowing how to stay hard and in control throughout foreplay, penetration, and intercourse is paramount.

Make sure you're HARD when she's ready for penetration.

best exercise for sex

Some women can take a really long time to reach an orgasm - if she can orgasm at all. When giving a woman foreplay, it's really important for a man to maintain his hard erection, so when she finally gives him that royal command to enter her, he can penetrate without any problems.

Focusing too much attention on the actions of giving her foreplay can make him lose his hard erection.

Be prepared for her sexually by staying in control of when you ejaculate.

Some men focus too much attention on how arousing a woman is, how horny a woman is, and how much she turns him on! This is the fastest way to ejaculate prematurely! To stay in control sexually, you need to correctly balance your sexual focus between yourself, your partner, and the actions of sex.

This allows for a satisfying amount of intercourse time.

What happens when you're prepared for sex but your woman's not in the mood?

As you may have already guessed, foreplay for women extends beyond the bedroom. It’s not rocket science, but you do need to pay attention. You may have received most of your sex education from watching porn and this can contribute to an unwanted sexual technique.

Stop falling for common sex myths sex myths that can ruin your sex life. In the real world, with real women, you need to know how to emotionally prepare a woman for sex.

Gain her interest. Switch her on.

This starts well before sexual foreplay. You have to understand how to fulfill her emotionally before she wants you to fulfill her sexually!

Remember, those high levels of oxytocin play a role here... so be bonding-focused first!

prepare woman for sex

10 Essential Tips to Prepare a Woman for Sex

To prevent a woman from shrugging off your advances, or being indifferent toward sex, it's important to turn her sexual switches on in the right order...

  1. Be aware of your timing: Before initiating any sexual activity, make sure that the timing is appropriate - if your woman is in the middle of a task, it is likely she will be mentally distracted and therefore not feel turned on by your advances.
  2. Show affection and appreciation: Regularly expressing affection, gratitude, and appreciation for your woman can nurture a positive and intimate atmosphere that can lead to increased sexual desire.
  3. Address any issues she has: If there are any underlying issues such as stress, fatigue, health challenges, inner vaginal dryness and pain, or physical discomfort, it's important to address them.
  4. Address any issues you have: Functional issues such as early ejaculation or problems getting or maintaining a hard erection puts pressure on both partners and can lead to a lack of desire for sex in either or both partners. Having open and honest communication with your woman is the best way to engage her in sexual activity.
  5. Improve your overall technique: Forget the porn education, hard and fast and a constant change of position does not work for most women.
  6. Be attentive and responsive to your woman's needs: Pay attention to your woman's verbal and nonverbal cues and respond to the needs she has communicated, both inside and outside of the bedroom.
  7. Maintain a healthy and active lifestyle: Taking care of your physical and mental health through exercise, a balanced diet, and stress management can help increase attraction, energy levels, and improve overall sexual function.
  8. Be attentive to her emotional and physical needs: Making sure your female feels comfortable, safe, and appreciated inside and outside of the bedroom can increase her desire and willingness to be intimate and engage in sexual activity. Show understanding and empathy towards her feelings and needs, and be responsive to any physical or emotional needs she has communicated. This can create a strong emotional connection that can enhance sexual intimacy.
  9. Plan romantic gestures: Planning romantic gestures, such as a candlelit dinner or a weekend getaway, can help reignite the spark in your relationship and increase sexual desire.
  10. Try new things: After addressing all of the above, you may look at introducing new and exciting sexual experiences, such as trying new positions or incorporating new toys. This can help increase sexual desire and make sex more enjoyable. Good sexual experiences and relationships are built on communication, consent, mutual respect, and a willingness to experiment and try new things.

Remember, every relationship is unique and what works for one couple may not work for another. The most important thing is to communicate openly and honestly with your woman and to find what works best for both of you.

Moving toward sex mastery

In Summary: How to Prepare a Woman for Sex

As you well know, when you make the wrong moves, it's very easy to put a woman off having sex with you. Most women only regain interest in sex when her male partner can not only last longer, but improves on his overall technique inside and outside the bedroom. 

While solving early ejaculation and weak erection issues don't automatically re-engage a woman’s interest in sex, good sexual technique does go a long way to switching her libido back on, especially when you understand ideal rhythm and timing from a woman's perspective.

To gain her confidence, excitement and trust, you also need to approach foreplay, penetration, and intercourse in a calm and confident manner.

All of these things are explained in detail in my Sex Mastery program for men.

The insightful knowledge contained in this program is clear and concise. There’s zero fluff. I provide the facts you need to know, followed by a complete foreplay, penetration, and intercourse strategy so you stop failing at sex and enhance connection on all levels. 

See also: Sex Mastery for Women: Enjoyable Sex and Orgasms.


I thought you might like some feedback. Excellent info and really well presented – concise and to the point. You presented info we should have learned during sex ed in our old school days which was sadly absent.

Having it presented by a woman giving guys the inside info from a woman’s experience and perspective is well… gold. I really like the tips you were saying eg care and attention to the methods of stroking and fingernail care and lube process, the importance of holding hands etc. All those important details that I’m now realizing are so important to a woman’s pleasure… thank you.

I feel I have gained in confidence and belief and you have given me the tools to build on to move forward. So well done you on such an excellent program. I didn’t realize how quick it can be for a woman to lose arousal if a technique is not done correctly.

Ray, New Zealand

*Disclaimer, results vary from person to person