This post includes 10 of my best tips to prepare a woman for sex - from switching her on… to keeping her switched on - and preparing yourself! Discover how to prepare a woman for sex so you can both relax and enjoy great sex and intimacy. But first we need to deal with the elephant in the room...
When a woman is not interested in sex there can be a variety of reasons, including physical or emotional factors. It can also simply be a lack of sexual desire. To enhance connection with a woman, it's important to approach these situations with empathy and understanding, and to communicate openly and honestly with her.
Studies show that most young people get their sex education from porn. Let’s face it – due to a porn education many men think that a woman will be as happy to have sex as he is – and that she will want and initiate sex as frequently as he wants her to!
Sadly, that’s usually not the case. You don't just need to have an amazing sexual technique to keep a woman interested in having sex. What you do need to know is how to prepare a woman for sex on all levels.
Unless she passionately pounces on you and frequently wants you to ravish her, then your lead up to sex both inside and outside of the bedroom is probably lacking in finesse. You need to know how to prepare a woman for sex - and how to increase her desire for sex by improving your overall approach.
The fact is that if you don’t turn on her “sexual switches” in the right order, or if your woman doesn’t like your foreplay, penetration, and intercourse technique, then she’s going to rapidly lose interest in having sex with you.
When understanding how to prepare a woman for sex it's important to understand that biologically, women are wired completely differently. Men are hormonally wired to procreate and protect the species, and women are hormonally wired to nurture and grow the species.
Even though sex is nowadays more about pleasure and connection, we're highly influenced by sex specific hormones, especially testosterone and oxytocin - and dopamine.
Put simply:
Testosterone provides drive and strength, and the desire to procreate.
Oxytocin (known as the love hormone and bonding hormone) Oxytocin is also the balancing hormone to the stress hormone cortisol in both sexes. When cortisol levels are high, oxytocin is low and vice versa.
Dopamine is the reward hormone, it's what makes you want more of something. Oxytocin and Dopamine are two of the main hormones that make you feel good when you orgasm.
Men have 7-8x higher levels of testosterone and much lower levels of oxytocin than women. Due to oxytocin being released in large quantities at the point of orgasm, and being the balancing hormone to the stress hormone cortisol, many men rely on having an orgasm to relieve stress.
Women naturally have much higher levels of oxytocin and much lower levels of testosterone than men. This often translates as a lower sex drive, less desire for sexual intimacy, and more desire to just kiss, cuddle, and hold hands.
Approaching sex and intimacy from a "bonding" level is how to prepare a woman for sex. This will increase her overall desire to initiate sex and in addition to this, when sex is good, high levels of oxytocin and dopamine are generated - which fuels her desire to connect sexually.
Conversely, if sex is stressful or unfulfilling then cortisol levels will be high and she's just not going to be interested. When preparing a woman for sex, you need to deal with any sexual function issues preventing connection.
Women very rarely start off wet, so any kind of penetration can be intensely painful until she starts feeling turned on and her juices start flowing. This means you can't just insert your fingers, a toy, or your penis without preparation! Lube allows for an easy entry so there's no distractions to take her away from her orgasms.
Coconut oil is very effective as a lubricant. Use a very small amount on the outside edge of a woman's vagina (but don't use too much as it can affect your own rhythm and awareness of sensations!)
For women who suffer from inner vaginal dryness and pain, Lubrication isn't just needed on the outside of the vagina, it's needed on the inside too! While this happens more frequently for women over 40, up to 50% of women of all ages feel like their vagina is being scraped with coarse sandpaper with any kind of penetration.
This pain is similar to scraping your eyeballs, so it's not something either of you can ignore or pretend doesn't exist.
External lube does not fix this, she needs my Inner Vaginal Flush Technique which I explain in detail in "Breakthrough the Barriers to Great Sex":
Preparing a woman for sex doesn't just include foreplay techniques. Knowing how to stay hard and in control throughout foreplay, penetration, and intercourse is paramount.
Some women can take a really long time to reach an orgasm - if she can orgasm at all. When giving a woman foreplay, it's crucial for a man to maintain his hard erection, so when she finally gives him that royal command to enter her, he can penetrate without any problems.
Focusing too much attention on the actions of giving his partner foreplay can make a man lose his hard erection.
Some men focus too much attention on how arousing a woman is, how horny a woman is, and how much she turns him on! This is the fastest way to ejaculate prematurely! To stay in control sexually, you need to correctly balance your sexual focus between yourself, your partner, and the actions of sex.
This allows for a satisfying amount of intercourse time.
As you may have already guessed, foreplay for women extends beyond the bedroom. It’s not rocket science, but you do need to pay attention. You may have received most of your sex education from watching porn. Porn is not real and can contribute to an unwanted sexual technique.
Stop falling for common sex myths that can ruin your sex life. In the real world, with real women, you need to know how to emotionally prepare a woman for sex.
Gain her interest. Switch her on. Keep her turned on.
This starts well before sexual foreplay. You have to understand how to fulfill her emotionally before she wants you to fulfill her sexually!
Remember, those high levels of oxytocin play a role here... so be bonding-focused first! Being loving rather than accusing will go a long way to engaging her desire for sexual activity.
While I cover the exact sequence to relax her, engage her, find her g-spot, and help her achieve multiple squirting orgasms in my Sex Mastery program for men, you can start with these essential tips to garner her interest. To prevent a woman from shrugging off your advances, or being indifferent toward sex, it's important to turn her sexual switches on in the right order.
Women are complex creatures, so pay attention to detail and fully implement these tips:
#1. Be aware of your timing: Before initiating any sexual activity, make sure that the timing is appropriate - if your woman is in the middle of a task, it is likely she will be mentally distracted and therefore not feel turned on by your advances.
#2. Show affection and appreciation: Regularly expressing affection, gratitude, and appreciation for your woman can nurture a positive and intimate atmosphere that leads to her increased sexual desire.
#3. Address any issues she has: If there are any underlying issues such as stress, fatigue, health challenges, inner vaginal dryness and pain, or physical discomfort, it's important to help her address them.
#4. Address any issues you have: Functional issues such as early ejaculation or problems getting or maintaining a hard erection puts pressure on both partners and can lead to a lack of desire for sex in either partner.
#5. Improve your overall technique: Forget the porn education, hard and fast and a constant change of position does not work for most women.
#6. Follow through on what you say: Being true to your word is vitally important to maintain a female partner's libido. Following through on your word will also instantly command respect from most women. If you say you're going to do something then do it. No more excuses or being complacent, because complacency directly influences a woman's desire for sex!
#7. Maintain a healthy and active lifestyle: Moving on from the previous point, taking care of your physical and mental health through exercise, a balanced diet, and stress management can help increase attraction, energy levels, and improve overall sexual function in both partners.
#8. Pay attention to her verbal and non-verbal cues: Pay attention to your woman's verbal and nonverbal cues and respond to the needs she has communicated, both inside and outside of the bedroom. Making sure your female feels comfortable, safe, and appreciated, can increase her desire and willingness to be intimate and engage in sexual activity.
#9. Be attentive to her emotional as well as physical needs: Show understanding and empathy towards her feelings and needs, and be responsive to any physical or emotional needs she has communicated. This works both ways, and can foster a strong emotional connection, further enhancing the desire for sexual intimacy.
#10. Plan romantic gestures: Planning romantic gestures, such as a candlelit dinner or a weekend getaway, can help reignite the spark in your relationship and increase her desire to be intimate with you.
#11. Try new things: After addressing all of the above, you may look at introducing new and exciting sexual experiences, such as trying these best sexual positions or incorporating new toys. This can help increase sexual desire and make sex more enjoyable.
Remember, every relationship is unique and what works for one couple will not work for another. The most important thing is to communicate openly and honestly with your woman to find what works best for both of you. Great sexual experiences and relationships are built on communication, mutual respect, and a willingness to experiment and try new things.
As you well know, when you make the wrong moves, it's very easy to put a woman off having sex with you. Most women only regain interest in sex when her male partner can not only last longer, but improves on his overall technique inside and outside the bedroom.
While solving early ejaculation and weak erection issues don't automatically re-engage a woman’s interest in sex, good sexual technique does go a long way to switching her libido back on, especially when you understand ideal rhythm and timing from a woman's perspective.
To gain her confidence, excitement and trust, you also need to approach foreplay, penetration, and intercourse in a calm and confident manner.
All of these things are explained in detail in my Sex Mastery program for men. The insightful knowledge contained in this program is clear and concise. There’s zero fluff. I provide the facts you need to know, followed by a complete foreplay, penetration, and intercourse strategy so you stop failing at sex and enhance connection on all levels.
I have a Sex Mastery program for women program, too. Get started with my "Breakthrough the Barriers to Great Sex" program which explains the sexual arousal scale and how to fix the problems that men and women encounter.
"I had suffered from premature ejaculation for most of my life. My biggest concern was that I was coming too soon for my wife to get full satisfaction.
It stressed me out and knocked my confidence sexually...
Jacqui is very caring and genuine and provides a non-threatening environment to discuss something very personal. Her switching technique is really simple and logical.
Last night I put the technique into practice and have to say that there was definitely an improvement and I was pleased with the first time result.
I'll need to keep working at it, but I definitely lasted longer - and just as Jacqui said she would – my wife had great orgasms!"
Chris, New Zealand*
"I am successfully moving forward with my relationship both at a mental and sexual level. I have now managed to put the lovemaking tips you have given me... to create rapid arousal with wonderfully controlled intercourse."
- Dr Paul (Surname withheld),
Medical Specialist
"Jacqui is an intuitive counsellor... innovative and inventive enough to experiment far beyond the confines of academe, and emerge with a simple, clear counselling technology beyond mindfulness or... resilience training."
- Dr Graham Little, PhD
"Jacqui was an excellent guest... I loved her straightforward advice and knowledge... an excellent speaker on the topic of sex and sexual function and dysfunction. She really knows her stuff!"
- Barbara Santen,
Dating and Relationship Coach
Most of my customers get relief after their first session, and recover completely after finishing the program.
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As the founder of the Psychosexual Alignment methodology and published author, Jacqui has helped thousands of men and women easily resolve sex problems and restore emotional connection. Get your ultimate sex education and elevate intimacy to an exciting new level of engagement with Jacqui's Sex Mastery Programs for Men and Women.
© Jacqui Olliver. All Rights Reserved. DMCA protected. The content on this website is for informational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. *Results vary from person to person. Questions? Please email me directly and let me know how I can help: [email protected]
