7 Secrets to Better Sex in the New Year

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We tend to start every year with the best of intentions then become stuck in old patterns because we just don’t know how to make the changes we want to see! So here are 7 secrets to having better sex in the new year. Each of these tips for better sex will increase your overall desire for each other too.

couple had happy sex

1. Be present and pay attention

If you’re not paying attention to what your partner is saying they may not even want to have sex with you! We all like and need to feel heard, and anything that's communicated out loud is important to take into consideration. Work together to work it out.

It's also important to be present and pay attention to what you're doing during sex. Otherwise, not only will you lose your emotional connection with your partner, but anything can happen. Problems caused by not being present include early ejaculation, loss of erection hardness, your libido switching off, and not being able to reach an orgasm. Pain and inner vaginal dryness can also be an issue for women

All of these issues can usually be resolved with the correct knowledge and technique. Sex is about both partners, not just one. Your partner wants to be able to feel your presence inside and outside the bedroom - and it's the greatest gift you can give to each other too!

2. Pay attention to what your partner is doing

There’s nothing more thrilling during sex than when both partners are equally attentive, however, it's not as much fun when a partner seems disinterested or bored. While it may seem that a partner has lost interest, sometimes they just don't know how to focus their attention correctly to get into a good physical and emotional rhythm during sex.

Wrong sexual focus is the leading cause of most sexual function issues and often results in performance anxiety.  

Focusing on your partner’s emotional as well as sexual well being during sex will help your mind to be less distracted. On saying that, you do need to balance your sexual focus correctly because too much one way focus, can make a man lose his erection. 

Ever wondered how a male causes premature ejaculation during foreplay, penetration and intercourse?

match your partner's rhythm

3. Match your partner’s rhythm…

Regardless of age or gender, make sure that you're paying attention to matching your partner's rhythm during intercourse so they know you are present and fully engaged with them.

Growing up, we were never taught how to have sex, and many people just don't know what they are supposed to be focusing on. For example, lying still and letting your partner do all the work doesn't make your partner feel like you are engaged and interested. This can, in fact, lead to performance anxiety, loss of erection hardness and being unable to reach an orgasm. 

Most sex education comes from watching porn or reading romance novels which isn't ideal because it can make people feel unsatisfied from having sex with their partner - or not want to have sex due to their partner's undesirable technique! This can result from a constant hard and fast pace, or constantly changing sexual position, usually learned from watching porn.

A male tends to get his biggest thrill from knowing that he is fulfilling his partner so make sure you communicate your requirements for your preferred rhythm.

Related Article: Why Men Avoid Sex

Then make sure that you…

4. Make happy noises from time to time.

As much as we like to think our partner should know what we’re thinking, most of the time they have no idea. So when your partner is making all the right moves, keep them on target by making happy noises such as “Ooo that feels good…” or “Mmmm that’s nice…”

If you just say “Oooh” your partner may think they are hurting you! You need to make it obvious that it feels good. “Oooh! That feels SOOOO good!” will be 100x more effective. Be clear in your communication so it's easy for your partner to understand and fulfil you.

Generally when a man is grunting during sex, he’s putting a lot of effort into maintaining a good rhythm for his partner to make sure they're having a good time.

how to prepare a woman for sex

5. Speaking about rhythm… it’s not about how fast you are going.

Nobody wants to feel rushed and the majority of women can take a while to reach their first orgasm - if they can orgasm at all. Many women can’t orgasm during intercourse and this is due to several factors which can include her partner’s overall sexual technique, as well as her own ability to correctly focus her actions and attention.

It’s much more important to keep a consistently even rhythm than to be overly fast. This focus on even rhythm will help to keep a woman in what I call “the orgasm zone” and can also help a man stay hard and in control.

Related Article: Can’t Orgasm? Get the answers today

6. Give consideration to “before” and “after” sex.

The way we interact with our partner inside and outside the bedroom constantly influences their desire for sex and their feelings of attraction for us. While we all know this is true for women, it's also true for men. Sex is considered to be the cement which holds a relationship together, but the building blocks which provide sexual awakening and desire in both partners are emotional and physical attraction. This requires energy.

It's important to not become complacent as we age, as it can lead to loss of attraction and relationship breakdown. A natural way to increase energy is by increasing Human Growth Hormone (HGH) which also:

  • Keeps our body lean and reduces the accumulation of fat
  • Strengthens our bones
  • Protects our organs from age related issues
  • Promotes rapid growth for healthy hair and nails
  • Improves circulation
  • Maintains healthy cholesterol levels.

High intensity exercises such as push-ups, pull-ups, squats and weights all increase Human Growth Hormone (HGH) which will make you look younger, feel younger, be healthier and have more zest for life. Intermittent fasting can also increase HGH. Make it a priority to start strength training in the New Year and keep it up for life!

exercise fo rsex

7. In summary, get rid of the distractions.

The biggest impediment to great sex are ongoing distractions. Whether these are caused by a partner’s less than fulfilling technique, being low in energy, a sexual dysfunction problem, the room temperature being too hot (or the room temperature too cold) all of these distractions are well within your realm of control.

Remember that relationships are your greatest investment in life. If something about your sex life needs to be changed or modified, make sure you take the steps required to move forward so you can improve this important area of your life. After all, isn’t the New Year a chance to create a fresh new start in life?

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Jacqui Olliver
Psychosexual Relationship Specialist at End the Problem, Jacqui Olliver has helped thousands of men, women and couples restore emotional and sexual satisfaction in their relationships to create a happier life. Click here to check out her programs or to book a complimentary strategy session for real answers to solve the real problems.

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