What Are the Best Sexual Positions for Couples?
I am frequently asked about the best sexual positions for couples as well as the best sex positions for older couples! The reality is that the best sexual positions stand the test of time, and with a few variations will enhance your sex life and relationship on all levels!
In this post, I'll share the best sexual positions for couples, as well as important notes about: changing sexual position, sexual position challenges for older couples, the best sex position for a bent penis, how to avoid injuries when changing your sexual position, and tips for enhancing sex with a partner.
Recommended to all of my clients, these positions are also the best sex positions for overweight people. Easy to transition in and out of, they provide closeness, intimacy, the right amount of stimulation, and the ultimate feelings of connection!
A Few Important Notes About Changing Sexual Position
We're not taught sex education facts relevant to engaging sexually as an adult, so there is much confusion and experimentation involved. Here's what you need to know about changing sexual position and some tips to enhance sex with a partner:
- Many partners struggle to reach orgasm if their partner is constantly changing sexual position. Real sex isn't like porn, it's better to upgrade your skills and focus on achieving a fulfilling rhythm and be able to time your orgasm, rather than constantly changing your sex position.
- Inner vaginal dryness affects up to 50% of women and can cause penetration to be extremely painful. Always use a very small amount of lube or coconut oil on the outer edge of her vagina to make penetration easy. I also developed the Inner Vaginal Flush Technique, an easy muscular action which she can do to flush the inside walls of her vagina to restore natural lubrication, health, and vitality to her vagina.
- It's important to stay focused and pay attention to what you're doing! Losing focus while changing your sexual position can cause sexual “malfunctions” such as premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction (loss of erection hardness) and being unable to reach orgasm. Commonly experienced by many couples, these sexual dysfunction issues are most often caused by being distracted and focusing on the wrong action, which confuses your brain as to what is wanted.
- Some sexual positions can cause pain or discomfort for older couples which can add to the confusion. I've included a section later in this post which includes some valuable tips for avoiding injuries during sex... as well as simple tips to fix common pain issues that older couples may be experiencing.
- I'll also share an easy trick to turn the way you walk into a belly-blasting, sexy-abs exercise which supports a happy and satisfying sex life.
Do you know the most essential thing you need to do when changing sexual position to avoid injuring yourselves and each other during sex? Or that not being fully erect can result in a penis injury during penetration? These are some things you need to take into consideration when learning about the best sexual positions for couples, and I have covered them in this post.
Detailed instructions including how to transition between positions and the best rhythm and timing are included in my post: The Best Sexual Positions for PE and ED.
Sexual Position Challenges for Older Couples 40+
I once had a couple in their early 40's who flew me to Fiji to fix their sexual problems. He had a lifelong premature ejaculation issue and was also losing his erection hardness during intercourse. She often had problems reaching an orgasm during intercourse.
What was interesting on this occasion was that one of the biggest contributors to the husband’s erectile dysfunction problem was his wife’s favorite sexual position.
She preferred to straddle him on top as this was the best sexual position for her to climax. However, usually after a few minutes her knee would start hurting.
In the ensuing untangling of bodies which occurred whilst trying to get into a less aggravating sexual position, her husband would lose his erection. Then they would quickly stimulate him to try and get him back up to full erection hardness. This would cause him to ejaculate. They were both in their mid-forties and sex was already becoming a stressful event for all concerned.
Comfort is really important in maintaining desire for sex, especially as we age. When a sexual position is causing either partner pain or discomfort, it can prevent both partners from enjoying sex. You’re either worrying that your partner is uncomfortable or you’re trying not to think about the pain you are in. This can lead to a sexual “malfunction” as you start giving your brain conflicting messages!
Rather than aiming for many positions which can result in sexual failure, you can gain more benefit from introducing the best sexual positions for couples, for each of you to experience the most amazing connection.
The Best Missionary Sexual Positions for Couples
You may have heard that missionary is not the best sex position for couples. However, the Elbow Plank Missionary is one of the best positions for couples for many reasons, including:
- It enables both of you to stay balanced and easily match your rhythm.
- Easy kissing (without missing)
- Even weight distribution (no squashing your partner)
- Less physical fitness required.
TIP: Never do the Missionary Position with your arms fully extended as this will put you off balance and unable to achieve a regular rhythm. Additionally, it's too much distance for your female partner to enjoy a fulfilling emotional connection. Jiggling breasts can distract a man to the point of ejaculating prematurely if he doesn't know how to balance his sexual focus.
Why is Elbow Plank Missionary Position one of the best sexual positions for couples? Because evenly distributing your weight over your joints during sex makes it much easier to maintain a satisfying rhythm and requires less physical fitness. This makes it a favorite for young couples as well as older couples. The variation of woman on top is very passionate because you are both perfectly balanced while kissing and maintaining an even rhythm. Super sexy!
Plank Missionary Position with Man on Top
In this Elbow Plank Missionary position, the man’s weight is distributed evenly between his forearms which provide a stable fulcrum and take most of his weight. His knees are slightly bent and resting on the bed to balance him, and to create a hinge for initiating a steady, rhythmical movement.
The woman rests her feet on the back of her partner’s lower legs for traction. This best sexual position for couples, prevents a man's weight from squashing his partner whilst allowing easy intimacy and closeness for both partners.
Plank Missionary Position with Woman on Top
You can also reverse this best elbow plank sexual position so the woman is on top. This is one of my favorite up close and personal sexual positions for a woman because it is so much easier on her knees!
Instead of the usual woman on top position where she sits and straddles him with her knees mostly bent, in the plank missionary position, she too, distributes her weight evenly. With her weight balanced between her forearms and knees, she then places her forearms above his shoulders, either side of his head.
Her knees are bent at an easy 45-90 degree angle positioned about halfway between his hips and chest (depending on his height). After either partner inserts his penis, she leans forward with her forearms holding her weight and her knees providing an easy fulcrum to move in a backwards and forwards rhythm with ease.
Her partner supports her with each hand on either side of her upper body or hips, helping her to maintain an even rhythm.
The Vortex Missionary Position (Woman on Top)
As a variation to the woman on top missionary plank position, clasp your hands together with your forearms on your pillow, forming an upside-down V shape behind his head.
The vortex missionary position creates a vortex which centralizes your awareness of feeling by squeezing your breasts together to rub against his chest. This provides additional stimulation as you support each other in maintaining an even rhythm.
The Pelvic Thrust Missionary Position (Woman on Top)
This dynamic variation of the missionary position with woman on top reminds me of the “pelvic thrust” dance in the Rocky Horror Picture Show. This position can quickly restore enjoyable sex and orgasms!
Instead of your male thrusting his pelvis forward and backward to initiate movement while you are straddling him, in the Pelvic Thrust Missionary Position he will thrust his pelvis forward and hold it steady in that position.
With his pelvis thrust forward, G-spot stimulation is immediately increased!
Now, you get to choose how you ride that stimulation! Sit up straight and gently move your hips in a circular motion, or forward and back, diagonally, or side to side, to magnify and enhance your own awareness of feeling.
Making a V shape by pushing your knees outward will triple the stimulation to both your clitoris and G-spot which can quickly lead to multiple orgasms.
When you start getting tired, simply lean forward and rest your forearms either side of your partner’s shoulders and indicate for him to restore his rhythmical action.
Best Sex Tip for Overweight People - Missionary Position
What's great about these variations of the Missionary position is that whoever is on top, can adjust the bend in their knees to account for any extra weight either partner may be carrying. More bend for bigger bellies and if either partner loses weight, the person on top simply reduces the amount of bend in their knees.
Related Reading: (Or continue with the best sexual positions for couples below)
The Best Spooning Sexual Positions for Couples
If you want an alternative to the Elbow Plank Missionary Position, or just want some variation in sexual positioning, the next best thing is Spooning.
While the usual spooning position is facing away from each other, face-to-face spooning or the cuddle position is something really special.
Face to Face Spooning - the Cuddle Position
You can reverse the spooning cuddle position so you are facing each other. Face-to-Face Spooning is one of the best sexual positions for women, as it allows for maximum g-spot stimulation. This sexual position is super sexy and welcomed by couples of all ages.
Instructions: In this best sexual position for couples, start in the Elbow Plank Missionary position explained in the first section. The male is on top, with his weight distributed evenly between his forearms which provide a stable fulcrum and takes most of his weight. His knees are slightly bent and resting on the bed to provide balance and to create a hinge for initiating a steady, rhythmical movement.
Then he needs to make sure that his partner's arms are wrapped around him (under his arms and at his waist level, or one arm wrapped around his neck). With his partner securely attached to him, he then slowly rolls onto his side so his head is on the pillow. His lower leg is bent slightly, to provide stability.
Sometimes, removing his partner's pillow so his head is slightly elevated from his partner, makes kissing more delicious and comfortable.
Why is Spooning the Best Sex Position for a Bent Penis?
Face to face spooning (the cuddle position) is one of the best sexual positions for a bent penis as it allows for maximum closeness and stimulation for both partners regardless of which way the penis is bent.
Executed correctly, face-to-face spooning position ends up with both of you comfortably hugging each other with deep penetration. The woman can stroke her man's lower back and buttocks and pull him in deeper and closer for g-spot orgasms.
Face-to-Face Spooning enables her man to execute a grinding, side-to-side motion which is almost like drawing circles inside her with his penis. This on-off slide across her g-spot is intensely stimulating and mutually satisfying, especially if the bend in his penis affects his awareness of sensations. Read my post: how to fix the bend in your penis naturally without surgery.
Cushioned Spooning Variation for Couples Over 70
The best sexual position for couples over 70 is a cushioned variation of spooning. This position requires both of you to lay on your side as though you are cuddling. The woman can keep both legs together, or drape her upper leg over her partner’s leg to enable him easier access.
This comfortable position is up close and personal, and allows for many padded variations. It's ideal for people who have less flexibility, injuries or pain issues. Either partner can use additional pillows to prop up or cushion, various parts of their body.
She can place a thick pillow between her legs (with her upper leg positioned higher and more forward on the pillow) to enable a clear passage to her vagina. The more she rolls forward, the more her body weight is supported by the pillows.
She may also wedge a cushion to support her upper back. This can also help if her partner is experiencing back pain, although she needs to leave enough room for her man to enter. Draping her top leg over his can be helpful when she lays more on her back. He enters her from behind on an angle. He can also prop pillows behind his back to wedge himself forward.
A full-length body pillow is helpful to provide weight support for both partners.
Due to age or injury, older people tend to have less flexibility, so the best sexual positions for couples need to take this into account. This requires a bit of foresight so sexual positioning doesn't cause discomfort and mental contamination during intercourse, especially for couples over 50.
How to Avoid Injuries During Sex
One of the biggest causes of injury to the penis is being in a hurry to penetrate and when changing sexual position. This can be due to worrying about losing erection hardness (which is another easy issue for me to solve!)
At penetration time if you are male, make sure you are hard enough to penetrate, and always insert your penis with your hand. It can be normal for a man's penis to fall out during intercourse, if that happens, simply reinsert it with your hand.
Also make sure there is an adequate amount of lubrication. But not too much, as this can lead to problems controlling your balance and rhythm.
I know it's tempting to stay locked together in a moment of passion and try to wriggle your way into another position, but this will load up your joints and potentially hurt either or both partners. Feeling out of alignment can also become a mental distraction which can lead to other sexual functions issues including a partner's ability to stay hard, stay in control, or reach an orgasm.
How many times have you heard your back click while changing sexual position? As we age, there is less lubrication between our joints, resulting in a little less flexibility than we had in our 30's!
What this means for us sexually, is less "give" in our joints when changing sexual position. So if we adjust our sexual position without first disengaging our bodies, it can cause our back to go out of alignment.
TIP: Make sure you completely disengage from one position before moving into another. Yes, it can appear to be not as sexy, but well worth the returns of a regular, happy and fulfilling sex life as you travel through the years!
If you do happen to put your back out during sex, the following is an effective technique which can help to align your back, and get rid of a lot of the pain which prevents you from enjoying your favorite sexual positions - by making a slight adjustment to how you walk...
My #1 tip for solving painful sexual positions in older adults
Most articles which explain how to have better sex as you age, focus on an actual position without addressing the problems causing the pain. This may include the best sexual position for an older man, the best sexual position for an older woman, the best sex positions for older lovers, and so on… Yet, when you solve the misalignment problem, you can often solve the pain-related problems which prevent you from engaging in your favorite sexual positions!
Solve the misalignment problem and you can more easily engage in your favorite sexual positions regardless of your age. This can help a man retain a strong erection and assist in controlling the timing of his ejaculation. It enables his partner to more easily reach climax.
The biggest contributor toward ongoing knee, back, hip and neck pain isn’t necessarily caused by an old injury. And it’s not simply a wear and tear issue. Often, it’s caused by an ongoing misalignment which hasn’t been corrected after the original injury healed.
Even a small injury such as a sprained ankle can eventually result in back pain, or a sore knee on the other leg. While this pain may seem to be unrelated, it is often due to the misalignment of your natural gait. This occurred while you were coping with the pain related to something as minor as a sprained ankle.
Change the way you walk so you can enjoy your favorite sexual positions as a couple
Human beings are “sprung” creatures. Our joints were designed in a specific way so we can remain completely balanced while we stand, walk, run and jump. Our most natural and balanced position is to have our feet turned slightly outward. Think 11:05 on a clock face. This positioning also enables us to leap and jump - and to land safely. This is how our feet are naturally positioned until we encounter our first injury.
When we injure ourselves we adjust the way we walk to favor that injury.
For example, if you hurt your ankle, toe or knee. When you walk, you look down and carefully lift your leg forward and then place your foot down. When you look down at your feet when you walk, you will usually place one or both feet in a straight line. This will misalign your ankle joint and load up your knee. This imbalance can then affect the alignment of the rest of your spine.
If your tailbone goes out because you’re left foot is straight when you’re walking, it can cause ongoing pain in your opposite knee!
The same happens when you hurt your back or neck or head. Walking is painful, so you walk slowly and carefully. You often have to pause in between steps because you feel off-balance. This balance issue is often caused by one or both of your feet pointing forward (instead of being splayed slightly outward which naturally provides balance and stability.)
Have you ever noticed how unbalanced you are when you have an injury?
Now you know why. It’s because one or both feet are facing forward instead of outward. You can go to a chiropractor (and I recommend that you do if you have pain problems) but if you don’t fix the way that you walk, you will continue to have ongoing pain problems.
This is why sex can become so painful as a person ages - you may have endured a lifetime of minor injuries which have resulted in a complete change of gait.
Solve the gait issue, and apply my unique technique to solve the inner vaginal dryness issue which so many women over 40 experience, as well as weak erection or early ejaculation problems that men face, and you can restore a satisfying sex life well into your eighties and nineties.
How to solve the alignment issue so you can maintain a fulfilling sex life.
Whenever you are walking, focus your attention on splaying your feet slightly outward. Think 11:05 on a clock face. Initially, you will need to look at your feet every now and then to make sure your feet haven’t turned back in out of habit.
It can help to imagine you are drawing a straight line forward with each ankle bone as you step forward.
Hinge from your waist as you walk. This will initiate the forward movement. This natural hinge action at your waist (when your feet are turned slightly out) aligns and lubricates the joints from your feet to the top of your skull. Roll each foot from heel to the toe.
Allow your arms to be relaxed - your arms will sway with the opposite leg by the natural hinge created at the waist. As you step forward on your right, the hinge at your waist will also swing your left arm forward. Like a marching girl, but with the hinge at your waist initiating all movement.
You may find this technique rapidly resolves many of your pain issues.*
An added bonus is that it slims and tones your thighs and calve muscles too!
Turn walking into a sexy abs, belly-blasting exercise!
When using the above method to tweak the way you walk, add this simple step so you fully engage your abdominal core too. Simply push your abdomen all the way out (so it looks like you're pregnant). Then suck your abdomen all the way in, and keep your abdominals contracted as you walk. This gives your full abdominal core a workout as you walk, and can strengthen your lower back too.
*Disclaimer: I was taught this unique method of walking by a native teacher and mentor. He overcame severe back, head and foot injuries with this method he developed, after he was hit by a drunk driver while cycling and told by the medical specialists that he would probably never walk again. That accident was over 35 years ago. Now over 70, he is still fully mobile and shares this method with every person he sees who is “walking funny”.
The Best Sexual Positions for Couples in Summary
The best sexual positions for couples especially over 50 require some forethought as well as hindsight! To maintain a satisfying sex life, you need to correctly align your focus. This includes inside as well as outside the bedroom! You can eliminate a lot of joint pain by adjusting how you walk, and engaging in sexual positions which evenly distribute your weight.
Another thing to take into consideration for maintaining a healthy body and sex life are the foods you eat. The foods you should avoid if you want to have great sex also apply to maintaining healthy and mobile joints.
Sex can be enjoyed well into and past your eighties when you have the correct knowledge and strategies in place.
Prepare for sex by solving any issues with your gait. Gain the right procedures for solving sexual dysfunctions such as weak erections, early ejaculation, lack of interest and problems reaching orgasm, so sex is enjoyable for the both of you.
I have helped many couples restore a happy and satisfying sex life by modifying their sexual positions as well as correcting their sexual focus. When we give our brain signals that are relevant to the sexual outcome we desire, then our brain will provide the resources needed. I'm happy to provide a 20-minute complimentary strategy session to discuss your best way forward.