I once had a couple in their 40's who flew me to Fiji to fix their sexual problems. He had a lifelong premature ejaculation issue and was also losing his erection hardness during intercourse. She sometimes had problems achieving orgasm during intercourse. As usual, I was able to easily solve these problems. What was interesting on this occasion was that one of the biggest contributors to the husband’s erectile dysfunction problem was his wife’s favorite sexual position.
She preferred to straddle him on top as this was the best sexual position for her to climax. However, usually after a few minutes her knee would start hurting. In the ensuing untangling of bodies which occurred whilst trying to get into a less aggravating sexual position, her husband would lose his erection. Then they would quickly stimulate him to try and get him back up to full erection hardness. This would cause him to ejaculate. They were both in their mid-forties. Sex was quickly becoming a stressful event for all concerned.
Whether you are in your 40's, 50's, 60's and above, the best sexual positions require a bit of foresight so they don't cause unwanted issues.
I provide the answers to solve sex problems for men, women, and couples of all ages. This includes sexual “malfunctions” such as premature ejaculation erectile dysfunction and being unable to achieve orgasm or ejaculation. Contrary to popular medical beliefs, these issues are usually caused by a mental contamination problem, also known as focusing on the wrong thing at the wrong time.
Common distractions for older couples include pain or discomfort caused by certain sexual positions. So let's start with my...
#1 Tip for sexual positioning for couples over 40
How many times have you heard your back click while changing sexual position? As we age, there is less lubrication between our joints, resulting in a little less flexibility than we had in our 30's! What this means for us sexually, is less "give" in our joints when changing sexual position! So if we adjust our sexual position without first disengaging our bodies, it can cause our back to go out of alignment.
I know it's tempting to stay locked together in a moment of passion and try to wriggle your way into another position, but this will load up your joints and potentially hurt either or both partners. Feeling out of alignment can also become a mental distraction which can lead to other problems and or affect your ability to reach orgasm.
So make sure you completely disengage from one position before moving into another. Yes, it can appear to be not as sexy, but well worth the returns of a regular, happy and fulfilling sex life as you age!
If you do happen to put your back out during sex, I've also included another important tip at the end of this post, so make sure you read from start to finish. I provide an effective technique which can help to align your back, and get rid of a lot of the pain which prevents you from enjoying your favourite sexual positions - by making a slight adjustment to how you walk.
But let's start with...
The Best Sexual Positions for Older People
These best sexual positions for older people are also the best sex positions after injuries at any age. While I have labelled them as best sexual positions for 50, 60 and 70, in my opinion they are the best sexual positions for couples of all ages.
1. The Best Sexual Positions for Couples Over 50+ - The Plank Missionary Position
The best positions take into account the fact that an older person may have less flexibility. This makes it important to be able to evenly distribute your weight over your joints during sex to provide more ease of movement.
I don’t just recommend the Plank Missionary Position for couples who are over 50 - I recommend it to all of my clients! It is by far the most engaging for both men and women alike. Due to the slight bend in the knees and weight being distributed elsewhere, this position is easy to maintain and favored by many young and older couples alike.
This position enables both of you to easily match rhythm. The variation of woman on top is a very passionate position because you are both perfectly balanced while kissing and maintaining an even rhythm. Super sexy!
Plank Missionary with Man on top:
The man’s weight is distributed evenly between his forearms which provide a stable fulcrum and take most of his weight. His knees are slightly bent and resting on the bed to balance him, and to create a hinge for initiating a steady, rhythmical movement.
The woman rests her feet on the back of her partner’s lower legs for traction. This position prevents his weight from squashing her whilst allowing easy intimacy and closeness for both partners.
Plank Missionary with Woman on top:
This sexual position can also be reversed so the woman is on top. This is one of my favorite up close and personal sexual positions. Instead of the usual woman on top position where she sits and straddles him with her knees mostly bent, she too, distributes her weight evenly between her her forearms and knees with her forearms placed above his shoulders, either side of his head.
Her knees are bent at an easy 45-90 degree angle positioned between his hips and chest (depending on his height). Her forearms hold her weight and her knees provide an easy fulcrum. Her partner supports her with each hand on either side of her upper body, helping her maintain an even rhythm.
Variation of Woman on Top:
In this variation of the female plank position, the woman brings her hands closer together, forming an upside-down V shape behind her partner's head. This position squeezes her breasts together as she maintains rhythm, rubbing against her partner's chest.
#1 Missionary Position Tip for Overweight People
What's great about this sex position is that whoever is on top, can adjust the bend in their knees to account for any extra weight either partner may be carrying. More bend for bigger bellies and if either partner loses weight, the person on top simply reduces the amount of bend in their knees.
Never do the Missionary Position with your arms fully extended as this will put you off balance and unable to achieve a regular rhythm. Additionally, it's too much distance for your female partner to enjoy a fulfilling emotional connection. Jiggling breasts can distract a man to the point of ejaculating prematurely if he doesn't know how to balance his sexual focus.
Related Reading: (Or continue article below)
2. The Best Sexual Position for Couples Over 60 - Spooning - and the Best Spooning Position
I often treat older couples who struggle to maintain common sexual positions. When a sexual position is causing either partner pain or discomfort… that’s what the focus is on - the pain and discomfort. This prevents both partners from enjoying sex.
You’re either worrying that your partner is uncomfortable or you’re trying not to think about the pain you are in. This can lead to a sexual “malfunction” as you start giving your brain conflicting messages!
If you’re not able to manage the above Plank Missionary Position, the next best thing is Spooning. This position requires both of you to lay on your side as though you are cuddling. The woman can keep both legs together, or drape her upper leg over her partner’s leg to enable him easier access. The best thing is, there's another variation of spooning which is one of the best sexual positions for couples of all ages:
The Best Spooning Position for Couples Over 40
This sexual position is super sexy for younger couples too. You can reverse the cuddle position so you are facing each other. Start in the Plank Missionary position explained above, with the male on top. First he makes sure that his partner's arms are wrapped around him under his arms and at his waist level. Then he slowly rolls onto his side so his head is on the pillow. His lower leg is bent slightly, to provide stability.
Executed correctly, this spooning position ends up with both of you comfortably hugging each other with deep penetration. The woman can stroke her man's lower back and buttocks and pull him in deeper and closer.
3. The Best Sexual Position for Couples Over 70 - Variation of Spooning
This comfortable position is up close and personal, and allows for many padded variations. It's ideal for people who have less flexibility, injuries or pain issues. Either partner can use additional pillows to prop up or cushion, various parts of their body.
She can place a thick pillow between her legs (with her upper leg positioned higher and more forward on the pillow) to enable a clear passage to her vagina. The more she rolls forward, the more her body weight is supported by the pillows.
She may also wedge a cushion to support her upper back. This can also help if her partner is experiencing back pain, although she needs to leave enough room for her man to enter. Draping her top leg over his can be helpful when she lays more on her back. He enters her from behind on an angle. He can also prop pillows behind his back to wedge himself forward.
A full, length body-pillow is helpful to provide weight support for both partners.
The #1 Tip for Solving Painful Sexual Positions in Older Adults
While sex can become more challenging as you age, it’s important to end the alignment problem which is causing problems with your preferred sexual positions. Most articles which explain how to have better sex as you age focus on the best sexual position for an older man, the best sexual position for an older woman, the best sex positions for older lovers… without taking into account that if you solve the misalignment problem, you can often solve the pain-related problems which prevent you from engaging in your favorite sexual position!
Solve the misalignment problem and you can more easily engage in your favorite sexual positions regardless of your age. This can help an older man retain a strong erection and assist in controlling the timing of his ejaculation. It enables his partner to more easily reach climax.
The biggest contributor toward ongoing knee, back, hip and neck pain isn’t necessarily caused by an old injury. And it’s not simply a wear and tear issue. Often, it’s caused by an ongoing misalignment which hasn’t been corrected after the original injury healed.
Even a small injury such as a sprained ankle can eventually result in back pain, or a sore knee on the other leg. While this pain may seem to be unrelated, it is often due to the misalignment of your natural gait. This occurred while you were coping with the pain related to something as minor as a sprained ankle!
Change the Way You Walk - So You Can Enjoy Your Favorite Sexual Positions
Human beings are “sprung” creatures. Our joints were designed in a specific way so we can remain completely balanced while we stand, walk, run and jump. Our most natural and balanced position is to have our feet turned slightly outward. Think 11:05 on a clock face. This positioning also enables us to leap and jump - and to land safely. This is how our feet are naturally positioned until we encounter our first injury.
When we injure ourselves we adjust the way we walk to favor that injury. For example, if you hurt your ankle, toe or knee. When you walk, you look down and carefully lift your leg forward and then place your foot down. When you look down at your feet when you walk, you will usually place one or both feet in a straight line. This will misalign your ankle joint and load up your knee. This imbalance can then affect the alignment of the rest of your spine. If your tailbone goes out because you’re left foot is straight when you’re walking, it can cause ongoing pain in your opposite knee!
The same happens when you hurt your back or neck or head. Walking is painful, so you walk slowly and carefully. You often have to pause in between steps because you feel off-balance. This balance issue is often caused by one or both of your feet pointing forward (instead of being splayed slightly outward which naturally provides balance and stability.)
Have you ever noticed how unbalanced you are when you have an injury?
Now you know why. It’s because one or both feet are facing forward instead of outward. You can go to a chiropractor (and I recommend that you do if you have pain problems) but if you don’t fix the way that you walk, you will continue to have ongoing pain problems.
This is why sex can become so painful as a person ages - if you’ve endured a lifetime of minor injuries which have resulted in a complete change of gait. Solve the gait issue, and apply my unique technique to solve the inner vaginal dryness issue which so many women over 40 experience, and weak erection or early ejaculation problems that men face and you can restore a satisfying sex life well into your eighties and nineties.
How to Solve the Alignment Issue So You Can Maintain a Great Sex Life
Whenever you are walking, focus your attention on splaying your feet slightly outward. Think 11:05 on a clock face. Initially, you will need to look at your feet every now and then to make sure your feet haven’t turned back in out of habit. It can help to imagine you are drawing a straight line forward with each ankle bone as you step forward.
Hinge from your waist as you walk. This will initiate the forward movement. This natural hinge action at your waist (when your feet are turned slightly out) aligns and lubricates the joints from your feet to the top of your skull. Roll each foot from heel to the toe. Allow your arms to be relaxed - your arms will sway with the opposite leg by the natural hinge created at the waist. As you step forward on your right, the hinge at your waist will also swing your left arm forward. Like a marching girl, but with the hinge at your waist initiating all movement.
You may find this technique rapidly resolves many of your pain issues.* Another thing to take into consideration are the foods you eat. The foods you should avoid if you want to have great sex also apply to maintaining healthy and mobile joints.
The best sexual positions for couples over 50 require some forethought as well as hindsight! To maintain a great sex life, you need to correctly align your focus. This includes inside as well as outside the bedroom! You can eliminate a lot of joint pain by adjusting how you walk, and engaging in sexual positions which evenly distribute your weight.
Prepare for sex by solving any issues with your gait. Gain the right procedures for solving sexual dysfunctions such as weak erections, early ejaculation, vaginal dryness and problems achieving orgasm in my Sex Mastery programs so sex is enjoyable for both partners. Sex can be enjoyed well into your eighties and nineties when you have the correct strategies in place.
*Disclaimer: I was taught this unique method of walking by a Tohunga (native teacher, mentor). He overcame severe back, head and foot injuries with this method he developed, after he was hit by a drunk driver while cycling and told by the medical specialists that he would probably never walk again. That accident was over 35 years ago. At the time of writing this article he is now 68, fully mobile, and most people think he’s younger than 50. He shares this method with every person he sees who is “walking funny” and has helped many of them significantly reduce pain problems.